When Do I Get To Win

Sometime in the pretty near future this little gal will probably be going home to Mom. I have had this little gal for the past 8 months. She has taught me a lot about life and living from her vantage point. She's a survivor! She is an amazing soul who is wise beyond her four years. She has an abundance of coping skills and knowledge way beyond what a four year old should have. An absolutely amazing child. I hope that things will be different for her when she goes home! I hope she will be able to count  on and trust her environment and those around her! If not then I believe that she is wise and very capable of telling someone things are not going well! She is the most articulate four year old I have 

ever met! I'm teaching her my phone number in song form. We sing my phone number. I have told her that if she ever wants or needs to she can have someone call me! I know that she will too!

I'm ready to be relieved of the daily responsibility of raising a four year old. I am however really worried that things at home aren't going to be good long term for this little gal. I still have the same fears for this child. I worry that Mom, ( my daughter ) isn't capable of giving this child the stable home she deserves! If I'm honest, I don't think my daughter is doing as well as she has led CPS to believe. I know my daughter has the right to prove herself and she has to the system. I just don't know if it's a long lasting life change.

I am happy that I was able to have this time to really get to know this child. Bless her heart, she has had it pretty good here. Shes knows this and although she loves Mom, she doesn't really want to go 

home! She has been very vocal about not being ready to go home. She will be sad to leave this lifestyle. The sad thing is now, she knows the difference! OMG! I feel bad. This whole mess has so many layers to it. You never know in life what may be asked of you to do. I'm still not certain how all 

of this will go long term. I did however step up and fulfill the affirmation that I wrote last year. I could feel all of this coming-

I wrote an affirmation for myself...

Whatever I touch, there I prosper monetarily. Whatever touches me, I will make better.

 I fulfilled the "I will make better"portion of this affirmation. Now I would like to work on the "prosper monetarily" portion of this!

I want to get back to my life and what I was doing! Yet I have this intense torn up heart for this kid! Ugh. I will have to sort it all out...

I know a lot of Grandparents are raising G-kids. I just thought maybe I'd have some time for myself before I'm old! I'm sure everyone in my shoes feels this way. If I could figure out a way to make money while raising this child I would feel better about doing it! I need to make money! 

They have a title for people like me. They call us "displaced housewives". Where's the rehab for this 

lol?

Win written by David Bowie

Win written byWin Written by David Bowie