A Blog about life and living through my life experience and perspective. I am a writer, singer/songwriter childhood savant musician...Trying to find my niche and stake my place in society...
I’ve had plenty of challenges in my life. Many things that I’ve had to navigate and get through. Lots of left field zingers and head on harsh realities. This past week has been a new kind of in my face reality to navigate. Most people wouldn’t be able to fully relate to this unless they found themselves here. A lot of times we find lessons of some sort after the fact through what we experience. Sometimes the irony of a challenge leaves you scratching your head and looking up at the sky saying, really???!!!
On Father’s Day, I received the results of my AncestryDNA test that I got as a gift for Mother’s Day. I was excited to take the test and pinpoint my ethnicity. My sister and 19 year old daughter did one and it just seemed fun! Fun to imagine the countries my ancestors came from.
This is pretty much what I expected to see. It makes sense to me. If you see me, it’s no surprise. My eyes are green, I’m fair skinned… I look every bit of this.
What I sure didn’t expect to find out on Father’s Day, is that my Father isn’t my biological Father. The man that I love and knew as my Father isn’t my bio Dad.
It’s taken a week to come to terms with this new knowledge. I’m not there yet! I finally had the conversation with my sister. Until yesterday, we had not spoken about this. We are half sisters. She was kind and felt my pain as we rather share in it. Her side of the DNA matches place her with all the Phipps’ On mine, I see my Mom’s relatives and a whole bunch of people I don’t know or recognize. None of the matches on my bio Dads side are close matches. The closest match, shares only 10% DNA with me and is labeled a 1st cousin…
I don’t know where I want to take the search from here. I mean half of my ancestry is missing as well as half of my family medical history! Part of me also doesn’t want to inflict pain and sadness on another family who might not appreciate my intrusion… I doubt this man even knew that I was his daughter. He may not have even known a thing… Yet, I feel compelled to know of him and to lay eyes on his picture.
Be careful of DNA matching … although, they mention it as a disclaimer in the sign up. You never know how you might feel about the results. Really Ancestry, on Father’s Day????!!!! Ugh, that was harsh!
My Mom used to always say, “ Be careful of what you want, you might get it”. I don’t think I was asking for this exactly. Thanks Mom, for the heads up…
In my 59 years upon this earth, I’ve had a framework and a sense of myself. Just like most or dare I say all of you, grew up within a family. I have a sister that is 8 years older. My Mom and Dad had me when they were a few years shy of being 40 years old. I followed in their footsteps and had my last natural born child a month shy of turning 40. Comparatively, my parents were always older parents to me. My peers had much younger parents than me. My parents were extremely educated and successful by the time that I was born. My Mom was always embroiled in a project and interests of her own. She wrote musicals and was a huge part of the Roseville Civic Theater near Sacramento. Dad was chasing the golden nugget and busy inventing. Designing the popular polystyrene insulation still used in construction and under roads. An invention that should have made him rich beyond his wildest dreams…
My sister being 8 years older, tolerated me at best. I always knew that she resented me for intruding into her only child world. I always looked up to her though when I was little. We had our moments but mostly, she was busy with friends activities. Joy took piano lessons and practiced a lot. Sometimes if I were lucky, she would invite me to sit next to her on the piano bench. She would play a few notes and then ask me to repeat what she had played. So, I did. It was the only time that I had with her that she seemed happy with me and, I ate that up! I loved sitting with her at the piano and being included for those moments! Anyway, quickly she taught me to play one handed duets with her. Simple duets. She seemed pleased with me when we would do this.
Mostly though she would practice by herself and I would dance like a ballerina as she played. I remember one day, she practiced the same passage over and over never quite getting it right. Mom was encouraging from the other room. “Almost”, she would yell. My sisters frustration finally got the better of her and she left the bench. I climbed onto the bench, and played the passage perfectly… My Mom began praising my sister excitedly as she entered the room- only to find 5 year old me at the keys. I still remember the look of astonishment on her face. Almost a fearful look of terror. She was completely dumbfounded… I thought at first I had done something wrong! She asked me to play it again, so I did. She shook her head and uttered words of disbelief. Soon after that, I was taking piano lessons. My hand was so small that I couldn’t span a octave… Anyway, I credit my sister for helping me to discover and develop my most cherished gift in life, (other than my kids of course). The memories of those times that we would sit together on the piano bench forever etched in my mind!
Here we are with Dad…This was taken 11 years ago. I’m on the right…
As I sit here trying to convey and relay my story tears are falling… I got my Ancestry DNA test results yesterday, Father’s Day. I was so excited to get to finally view them. My sister had done hers a few years ago so I kind of knew what mine would be. As expected I found that I am English, Scottish and Irish with other small percentages of Ethnicity… Anyway, my daughter Zoe had done her Ancestry test last year as well. I saw that we are 50% linked together. A normal result. My sister was linked to me as a close relative. This struck me as interestingly vague. I clicked on the percentage link to find that we are only 24% matched. I clicked again on the thread to find the possible relationships with that percentage… Grandparent, Aunt and Half Sibling showed up in the explanation of connection. Then it hit me, a wave of realization that we are half sisters! I researched the explanation and the meaning of this over and over. I had other family search my results to make sure that I was correct in my interpretation of the results… Zoe checked her connection to my sister and it came back half Aunt…Omg 😳… !!!!!!!
After hours of tossing this around in my head I’m stumped. I wanted to talk to my sister about this but she is going through a very difficult time right now with her own family. I’ll have to wait, and find the words to tell her. This shock has me realizing that my whole perception of my family dynamic was a deception. Who the heck am I? Was my father my bio dad? Was my mother my bio Mom? What the heck? Was this a secret my Mom took to her grave? Is that what made her drink heavily when I was growing up? Is this why Mom resented me when I was little? Is this why my sister barely tolerated me as a child? Is this why I’ve always felt like a loner my whole life? If my dad isn’t my bio dad then who is? Did my dad know one of us wasn’t his? These questions have been swirling around in my head… The shock of all shocks… The saddest part, anyone I could ask has passed away! Mom, Dad and Uncle Ed, all of the siblings are gone… I feel more alone than ever. I wonder how my sister will take this revelation? Did she know?! Our parents were married for over 30 years (not happily). Apart for nearly 10 years before their divorce was final.
Family secrets… what other plot twist and turn am I going to encounter when trying to unearth my true identity or my sisters? I’ll keep you posted…
No wonder I’ve often felt ,”Lost In The Game” my Original song. I wrote this about 4 years ago! Here is the link!
Well into the heatwave. Everyday for the past week has been 115+degrees. Even in the mornings it is over 90 degrees with intense ☀️ 🌞! I walked a few times this week but my last attempt had me almost sick so…
I’ve been busy in-spite of the this heat. I became embroiled in a project that has me excited. For Mother’s Day one of my gifts was a AncestryDNA kit. I sent it off promptly and I’m awaiting the results. I’ve looked into what I can find on the Ancestry website about my family tree. Pretty interesting! I’ve enjoyed learning more about my family. In depth probing has led me to find interesting treasures. I’ve felt a real connection and a sense of wonderment thinking about the lives of my family members who have passed. I’ll share more info. at a later date if it becomes anything of interest. I’m in a investigational inquiry mode presently. I just finished the action portion of my project. I’m now to the wait and see what transpires… I’m not very good at waiting for things. Although so much of my life has been about having to be patient. A life lesson I am constantly running up against. Hurry up to wait!
Yesterday my car reported 120 degrees for the high while I was driving. Phoenix is crazy hot. I’ll just have to take my 10 year old to the pool, a lot.
This was at 6am. a few mornings ago… by Monday maybe we will get a break at just 108 degrees for the high. Here is my attempt at keeping my pup Luna cool. She seems to like have a tub to get in and cool off. We have had a huge fire in AZ that has created a lot of smoke and air quality issues. As a result, the sun has taken on a very fiery beautiful red at sunset! This was an ominous, looming sight. A bit unsettling…
I spent a whole week in California. Most of it was spent in the Monterey-Salinas area. Although, I did get a chance to visit my hometown, Morro Bay. I attended the funeral for a close family relative in Salinas.
Amelia and Luna had a terrific time. It was Luna’s first car trip and she did amazingly well! She visited the ocean for the first time. Luna had so much fun frolicking in the ocean! She drank a lot of sea water and threw up what seemed like the entire ocean, in the car. The drive back to Salinas from Monterey was pretty cringey! Needless to say, a few hours was spent cleaning the car and giving the dog a good bath. Poor puppy! I wonder what she thought about that experience?Morro Rock is such a part of my childhood… This is a tourist attraction for me now. While I was walking the dog, it occurred to me that living here, was a very introspective kind of life. I was always a loner as many that live here seem to be!Morro Rock in Morro Bay California.The elephant seals 🦠beach themselves for a much needed rest. This is a remarkable sight to see. San Simeon, California. Just up the coast on Highway 1 from Morro Bay. Legendary Hearst Castle, is also in San Simeon.Zoe and Dylan. These two peas in a pod, are the cutest young couple! I love them both so much. Absolutely charming couple.The trip is but a memory… some of which I’m grateful for. The matter of inheritance brings out the worst in people sometimes. The family feud that ensued on our last day with the family was epic. Not my story to tell so, I won’t. Such a sad note to leave on! Calgon or Dr. Teals, take me a way! A nice hot candlelight soak is in my near future! Ugh what an ugly experience!
Speaking of notes, here are a few of my own cover notes! I’ll leave you with this, from my YouTube channel. Here is the link! Please subscribe to my channel, your support means a whole lot to me! ❤️
