tynajoymetzner

A Decade Of Creating My Own Niche

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A collection of #music and #tenacity. Nearly a #decade of my #MusicalEfforts. ❤️

#Sophisticated #Covers and #Originals A #mature perspective on the #MusicFromMyHeart

 tynajoymetzner

8 Weeks Of Rocking Around The Clock

This has been the hardest personal time in my life. I’d be lying if I tried to sugar coat it. A harder mind, body and spirit challenge I’ve never encountered. 

My world literally tilted on its axis. I woke up in the middle of the night and extreme vertigo hit me. I got up out of bed and realized I could barely navigate the room. I got very anxious when I couldn’t clear my head. I felt so horrible that I decided I’d better get checked out. I was concerned maybe I was having a stroke. I have been very healthy. I try to take care of myself and I’m an avid walker. I do a ton of yard work and I’m not a person who drinks or takes medication. My lab work suggests I’m in good health, they came back fine. 

My world has been turned upside down since waking up with this affliction 8 weeks ago now. My hearing has been effected and I have a constant buzzing in my ears. My ears feel fluid filled and horrible. The vibration from walking and talking, even chewing is obnoxious. I’m constantly dizzy and if I lay down or move my head too quickly my head spins. I haven’t had a moment of total peace for 8 weeks. I feel as if I’ve been stuck in my head and unable to enjoy anything or anyone for a very long time. I couldn’t drive. I couldn’t even open my eyes the first few days to navigate my phone. It’s been like a prison being stuck like this. 

I’ve had two primary PA’s. A uncaring and expensive Ear Nose and Throat Dr. who just wanted me to take expensive tests. I even had a complete eye exam. I’ve done labs, an MRI, a cat scan and hearing tests… I took two different antibiotics and am currently taking a third. I’ve lost my patience with my dizzy, buzzy head. My symptoms are so strange. Headache in my eyes, numbness in my forehead and sinus cavities. Strange! Anyway, the sensations keep me from being comfortable and from being able to sleep well. I long for an end to this strange affliction. I can’t wait to feel normal and good again. Even with my health issue I have kept up with everything…. House, yard, groceries and cooking. I’ve even been walking in spite of my dizzy head… I’ve been driving surface streets, but not on the freeway. I’m not sure the dizziness won’t be overwhelming at higher speeds. Somehow my eyes are partly involved with this illness. Not a typical sinus infection! 

It would be so wonderful if this latest antibiotic would just wipe out this mystery illness. I’d do a dance of joy in the street! 

Living this extremely helpless and limited life is really tough. I am independent and not good at having to be dependent on people for rides. I’ve really been humbled yet again by this nightmare health dilemma. It also shows me how absolutely ridiculous my marriage is. That’s been the most humbling of all. Being sick and vulnerable in a bad marriage is the most frightening eye opener! When you are married to someone who really doesn’t have any compassion or love for you, it’s really the hardest thing. To have to be vulnerable, where you don’t feel that you can, is the worst. To be blamed for being sick and made to feel as if you are a burden. I hate it! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought, “I don’t feel like I can get well being here”. Is this how I want to grow old?! This is the first time in my 20+ marriage that I’ve ever been sick longer than a few days… This has really been a revelation type of experience.

I’m doing my best to try to stay positive. Getting seen by a Drs has been made much more difficult by Covid. I have to schedule appointments way in advance which in my predicament seems hard to fathom. I just can’t bare the idea that I’m going to get stuck like this till??? How am I ever going to figure this out? What the hell happened to me? I want my life back!