Single Again Take It On The Chin And Move On

Well so it goes. My marriage is over. It's been coming to an end for a long time. The house is going to be put on the market and that is that. I don't even have a good job yet but I suppose I will try to hit the ground running. Let me just say that If it were up to me, I would get myself in a better position to leave. I think he's leaving me so that he can force me to fail. He's not allowing me time to get settled into something, he's leaving me high and dry. This is the way it's been. He's a bully and I either take it and be grateful or he can take everything away.

Maybe I'm too old to play this game or maybe I realized I'm just going to lose either way. My home, the life I thought I could count on even though it's been hard and torturous... What more now that you can check off the last bit of self esteem I had as well?! Ugh.

The things we get ourselves into! Now to climb out of this big dark hole! It only takes money right? I just need to make money!


I wrote this over a year ago... The same feeling applies today...

Listen To This My Nemesis

You are the greatest obstacle to overcome. You kick me when I’m down. Your complete lack of compassion encompasses me- You truly are my nemesis. I can count on the misery that you dole and, on you being an asshole. Defeating me is paramount to your agenda.

The more you tell me I’m worthless, the harder I work to prove you wrong. You don’t yet understand the intensity of my might. One day my dreams will be realized and I will change my plight. All the crap you threw my way, will come back to haunt you again one day. Especially when I can walk away, from you.

Don’t saddle me with your mental health issues for I seek a better life. What doesn’t kill you makes you, invincible! They say the best revenge is living well. We’ll see, time will tell. Economic impoverishment keeps me tied to you, it’s been your weapon and, the glue. It keeps me stuck here, having to endure you.

Oppression caused some depression until I found my voice. I feel like a tornado gaining in 

strength. Picking up the negative and using it toward empowerment. You never know whats going to come out of my mind gathering thoughts and, fly right out of my mouth!

One thing is for sure, you won’t break me. You won’t defeat me, you know you can’t beat me- Be my nemesis if you must but this I say to you, “eat my dust!” I’m on the winning side of this, my arch-rival, my, nemesis

I suppose if you feel like this, the relationship has no hope of recovering. I haven't been living, I've just been existing in kind of a fog. Awwwwwww damn. I so wanted to be the best career homemaker! I thought I was a good career homemaker! I suppose that job has become non existent in today's society. I've been told that it wasn't a job with any worth to anyone. My time and effort were of no value according to him.  Only paying jobs have any worth. Running a household doesn't count for anything, it doesn't pay the bills... Nothing I have done in all these years has been worthy.

Oh well, I'll just have to reinvent myself!