Finding My Peace Refuge From Stress

I  find it extremely difficult to tell what of my posts actually post with my pictures lol. I thought I could copy and paste my blog posts from WordPress as I can write them quicker there. I suppose I can write my blog posts here and then copy and paste them to WordPress? Anyway, if by chance you have been following my blog posts and haven’t been able to see my pictures, the identical posts with pictures are on my WordPress blog site- Look me up- tynajoymetzner @ WordPress. I apologize for this social media blunder!  Tech savvy I want to be, a gal can dream!
I’m going to post some random pics from some of my blog posts just to catch you up lol... I haven’t got much musically going on as he is home recovering from open heart surgery and will be home for the next 3 or 4 weeks. I have been busy caring for him and taking care of this small little world here. My world just got smaller and I’m finding this to be a challenge! I difficult time for me as I’m sure for him. He is doing very well recovering. He is feeling better in ways than before the surgery. He finds that he can walk without chest pressure and pain. We believe that he has had severe coronary artery blockages for several years! So I’m sure he is relieved to already notice a very improved health benefit. He is not an easy man even on his best day. Right now it’s almost impossible to get through these long days and nights. He’s not sleeping well and has no problem in letting me know lol. So, I’m not sleeping either.

My homemade chicken soup...

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This was a just for fun few stolen moments a few weeks ago...

The music is my cover of Fool’s Overture and Don’t Leave Me Now, both written by Roger Hodgson of Supertramp. 

Now, my stolen moments consist of long walks while he’s napping...

I’m grateful for the walking respites. A time to breath and reflect! 

Speaking of Roger Hodgson, I can see the very venue in which I saw him perform on my walk! 

Wild Horse Pass, Ovations Theater.

Thank God for these moments of fun reflection! Life for me is so stressful right now! 

Please subscribe to my channels I really appreciate the support! 

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Heart Breaking And Quite An Undertaking

This will all look better in the rear view mirror. This current phase of life has me asking many questions and pondering so many things. I'm drained and have become 24/7 caregiver to a man who just had a triple bypass surgery. They call it Cabg surgery, short for Coronary Artery Bypass Graft. My last post was all about the fear of the unknown. We had yet to learn in a quick 20 minute angiogram, that he needed a triple bypass. I knew it wasn't good news when I was instructed to meet the cardiologist in a consult room just 20 min after they took him for the test.

I was initially told he needed a quadruple bypass. He's only 56! I could barely wrap my head around the severity of his condition. Big long blockages I was told. 99% occluded! He could have had a heart attack at any time!

As expected, he totally lost it over finding out that he was staring down open heart surgery. His worst fear about all of this had come true. The surgery wasn't scheduled till Friday, two very long days after the definitive diagnosis. He was admitted immediately and we sat for two long days in the AZ Heart Hospital contemplating his biggest fear. I was trying 
to be positive and helping to stave off the panic and fear of the impending surgery.

The bypass surgery was done by Dr. Hessel, a very skilled surgeon. The surgery went well with no complications and was completed around the 3 hour projected mark. He spent the next 3 days there in ICU and came home on day 5. He has had a really rough time with breathlessness and being tired. Because he is on blood thinners, the bruises he has are beyond awful! He has become hyper aware and fearful of everything he feels. I suppose you would all things considered.

Down right angry and mean as can be as well. Impatient, unhappy with everyone and everything. Fortunately he says the pain is mostly gone. It's mostly the reality of his situation he is fearful about. He watched his Mom struggle with and chase arterial blockages all over her body. Many surgeries and multiple stents before losing both of her legs to 
PVD.

I'm watching the depression set in now. His "new lease on life", short lived by the fear of what's to come I think. The real enemy is Arteriolosclerosis. Not his heart. Plaque that can probably be found in other arteries in his body.

A humbling experience to witness as well... If I'm honest, I'm not thrilled to have to go down this path. I still want to live, I'm still young and I'm not resolute to endure the rage the anger and blame on a daily basis. This will surely be a test of my own endurance and personal strength. I will do good to come out of this 6-8 week recovery period with any self esteem left... This may be very difficult indeed to endure. The story of Cinderella comes to mind.

The day before his angiogram, I took a long 4 mile walk. The sky was incredibly beautiful. It had been raining and was just beginning to clear. I had never walked among such beautiful clouds! It was serene and it felt like a spiritual experience. When I rounded the street corner to my house, I saw a beautiful rainbow entirely over my house. It gave me great peace and joy. The most inspiring feelings came to mind. I was very grateful for those moments of solace! It was magical!

Could It Be Magic ◀️ My YouTube Cover Video Link.

Have a terrific Sunday.

Lunar New Year In The Suburbs Of Phoenix

It has been blustery and winter like as the storms coming from California have left their mark on us as well.

A nice change for us here in the Phoenix area.

I have enjoyed walking in this weather, free of the blazing sun!

Today is Lunar New Year. My husband who is a native Vietnamese man, isn't celebrating. He's sleeping and awaiting Angioplasty tomorrow afternoon. We are hoping all goes well and he and the family can celebrate Tet, this weekend. We hope that he doesn't need to have bypass surgery but we won't know until after the procedure tomorrow.

I've watched him decline or react to the stress of the discovery that he has significant plaque in his heart valves and arteries. He has done more sleeping than I can imagine! It's hard for me to tell if he feels that bad or he's avoiding thinking about it?

I am left to my thoughts and worries as I ready the kids with an abundance of food and support. I will be with my husband for at least a night stay in the hospital. I myself can't wait for this to be over as it's been worrisome since hearing he is at great risk for a major heart attack/ cardiac event. He's only 56!

My thoughts have been all over the place. Because I'm human, I couldn't help but worry about finances in the unlikely event of his death. Being a career Homemaker for 20 + years, the wish that I could magic up a lucrative money making career has been on my mind! Care taking of family and my household aren't financially gainful.

I'm glad to be able to have my time available to give to my kids, grandkids and husband but, it doesn't pay the bills. I have given freely of my time and energy for so many years. What would it be like to get paid for the energy I expend?

Although I enjoy this hobby, it is yet another energy and effort expenditure that doesn't pay the bills. Some days, I feel just worthless. The worst part is the realization the monetarily, I am worthless!

https://youtu.be/gjk_EFIInFY
 Pull You Near ◀️ YouTubeOriginal

#OriginalMusic

Hurry Up And Wait To Learn Your Fate

The incompetence mounts as we await a procedure date and time for the angioplasty.The Dr.s office forgot to call to get insurance authorization? If that's what you do all day, how is it that you forget to do it? My husband was in the cardiologists office three times this week for some minor tests and consultations each visit being charged hefty copays... We spent $500 with just copays for appointments this week! How is it that their office staff forgot together my husband a procedure date before he has a major heart attack?!

We have been told it's an urgent situation and he must get in for a angioplasty to avoid a heart attack. The stress of all of this could give one a heart attack. The waiting and the frustration of not knowing what to expect. A truly humbling and frightening health scare.

We hope to have a date for Monday since we have known for over 2 weeks that this is an urgent and critical need! I have tried to do my best at keeping things nice and light , no worries!

Pretty pictures of sunsets...

Finding joy in the small things...

Nice can only fly for so long when the elephant in the room is a looming heart attack in the waiting...

Not to mention that my husband doesn't feel very good. He is tired all of the time and gets chest pains. He needs to get out of this hellish limbo of feeling crappy. So insensitive and unprofessional at best! Get with it people! If your in the heart health biz, Have a heart and do your job!

Can you tell I'm pretty miffed?

The waiting has been filled with a lot of attention being put on Lunar New Year this year. That seems to calm him and I've been following with decorating trees and the house. Lanterns, in abundance. Planning the food and special treats...Putting a lot of energy and effort into this special holiday. A holiday that represents his culture, his childhood memories and the love of his native country, Vietnam . Tet is becoming more important to him the older he gets. Maybe this years celebration is so important to him because he lost his Mom this year. I'm thinking that his need to recognize and celebrate to the fullest is driven by his Mom's passing? Now to find out he's following in her heart disease footsteps... too much!

The year of the "Pig" has me wondering if it's a bad omen to serve pork at the celebration? When I asked my husband he laughed and said , "Good Question"!

Organizing and cleaning projects for weeks!

My daughter and I even baked a chocolate cake from a recipe we found on "Tasty", just to keep busy.

My husband doesn't eat cake, so don't even know why we made this? Guess it was better than worrying about the prospect of a widow maker...

Honestly, enough already, just do the procedure and get it over-with already! You can't tell someone they are at great risk of having a heart attack and then take your sweet time getting them treatment!

My two favorite creatures photo bombed my pic I see!

I even repurposed a cardboard chip box into our new lunchbox snack box. Lol... I must be going nuts... waiting and anticipating.

Alma Mater ◀️click on the link for YouTube Cover video. Alma Mater is written by Terry Kath of the band Chicago

Have a peaceful and enjoyable weekend all.

Keeping Score Tell Me More

Without preaching to you, I want to urge all of my friends to listen to what I have to say...

❤️Heart disease effects so many who don’t even realize it. You may have genetic risk factors even if you feel healthy. Family history plays a big part in your #hearthealth. I recently became aware of a painless, non invasive test that is under utilized and you almost have to ask your Dr. for it. They don’t seem to think about offering it. ????

It’s called a #CalciumHeartScoreTest. Essentially, it’s a special MRI imaging test that measures the amount of #plaque /#calcification ,in the vessels and arteries of your #heart. It takes 10 min, no dye/contrast injection. *It can save your life!

The information it gives your Dr., can save you from a sudden heart attack! It’s a great start in taking charge of your heart health. I urge all of you with any risk factors to go get this done! Ask your Dr. about it and see if you would benefit from this test. Know your numbers, they just might save you from a silent killer❤️!

Someone very near to me has just found out that this is their lot. I am currently experiencing second hand knowledge of what it all is from a patient view.

Since I'm a blogger, I wanted to share the info that I am witnessing and learning about as we go. From the patient aspect, not clinical. When I was reading up on heart score testing, what I could find about it was written in medical lingo, jargon and was vague.

I'd like to be able to put this phase of Coronary Artery Disease discovery into layman's terms!

Echo Cardiogram, an ultrasound of the heart, is the next non invasive test that will be happening on Monday. This gives a heart specialist (radiographer), information about the heart structure, walls, thickness and or abnormalities if any. This test is done before they do a Angiogram which will be done later this next week.

Having been diagnosed with 8X the bad risk factor according to this persons Calcium Heart Score,The Cardiologist more than suspects blockages. The question becomes, how bad are they? Beta Blocker and even nitroglycerin pills have been prescribed as well as information given about when to go to the ER. No physical exertion is allowed until further notice. It's serious folks. A 56 year old, relatively young person is facing an uncertain scary new predator, Cardiovascular Disease!

Being told you could have a heart attack at any time is so scary. I've been watching this person become more and more vulnerable to this. Lack of interest, extreme fatigue, chest pains and even memory loss. I had no clue what was happening.

This person has been on medication and has been seen regularly by a physician! With all of the predisposition and risk factors that have been known about this individual... I find it incredibly negligent that we had to ask the overseeing physician for a test!

How is it that we had to connect the dots and not the medical professional? I take exception to the audacity this Dr. has in acting so surprised at the extremely high heart score numbers. This "Primary Care" Dr. has been seeing and treating this patient with many risk factors for over a decade! This simple test didn't come to mind in the past 10 + years you have been treating this person? Ugh...

Now we are here, and I'm scared. I'm watching and I am deeply effected by whatever happens next... Invested in overseeing the emotional and physical well being of this person. I feel weary but I'm going to chose a stiff upper lip as they call it. I feel a "Calgon, take me away", moment in my near future. Now, I'm showing my age... Getting older isn't for sissies!

This happens to be so delicious that I would chose to eat this often!!!! Yum. You can never eat too healthy! All of this heart scare has me making dietary changes as well although I've been eating like this for awhile. Salads are my favorite thing to eat. I won't become the obnoxious diet police. I tried that 10 years ago to no avail!

It will however be my personal choice to make some improvements for myself. As well as my favorite power walk jogs...Speaking of which, I'm outta here, going for a walk because, I can!

Mind Games Things Are Never What They Seem

https://tynajoymetzner.wordpress.com/2019/01/17/mind-games-things-are-never-what-they-seem/

Appreciating the little things in a world full of chaos and stress. I'm assuming and experimenting with ways to lower stress. This was a great way to let my mind go. I raked a ton of leaves, pulled weeds and got my yard into better shape! My bestie here was a delightful addition to my yard project! I so enjoyed spending the afternoon with this guy! He stayed right with me and jumped in my piles of leaves. A lot of help lol... Then just when I thought I had all of the leaves picked up, he ran up into the tree and then knocked more leaves off the limbs onto my clean yard. I'm not complaining, he was so fun to hang out with, he charms and entertains so well. I adore this creature so much!

A nice peppermint herb tea at night is also part of my de- stress regime. This is a delicious treat and really does bring down anxiety a notch or two.

Everyone has stress. Life is stressful. Contemplating serious health issues even when they aren't your own is scary and stressful! The what if's and how am I going to deal with this, that and the other thing...

What can I do to help? How is this going to go? How am I going to get through this... How can I help this person, what is required? What is going to happen. How bad is this really? All the thoughts, the what if's and of course the sadness and sorrow of realizing the likelihood of significant illness in someone who's close to you. Wondering how it will be for them having to endure the illness and circumstances in which they find themselves... how to be of support to them, how to help them cope. So hard! I don't have all the answers or even a few yet. I still don't know the full extent of what to anticipate. I only know the news and likelihood is pretty bad... I feel a storm coming.

How I long to escape in playing some music. I just may take the afternoon off and play... here are a few of my recent musical endeavors. I find the most peace doing this that comes from my spirit and soul.

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Mind Games - ◀️ Music only YouTube Cover Link

Mind Games Cover With Vocals ◀️

Have a good Thursday!

Making Baking And Forsaking Myself

Today I made a centerpiece out of a piece of broken stoneware. I had fixed/ glued the handle on this piece but decided it couldn't be used in the oven. I still think it's a pretty piece and I wanted to use it. I decided to make a Valentine's Day themed flower centerpiece for my kitchen table.

I love to repurpose things. I think this will work for my need. Now if I could only combine all of my skills and strong characteristics into some kind of good paying job lol. What would the ideal job look like for someone who has been a stay at home Mom for decades?

Who would look at my skill set and find a treasure trove of worth? Lol beauty is in the eye of the beholder?

For now I'm working for free...

Making goulash for dinner tonight.