This will all look better in the rear view mirror. This current phase of life has me asking many questions and pondering so many things. I'm drained and have become 24/7 caregiver to a man who just had a triple bypass surgery. They call it Cabg surgery, short for Coronary Artery Bypass Graft. My last post was all about the fear of the unknown. We had yet to learn in a quick 20 minute angiogram, that he needed a triple bypass. I knew it wasn't good news when I was instructed to meet the cardiologist in a consult room just 20 min after they took him for the test.
I was initially told he needed a quadruple bypass. He's only 56! I could barely wrap my head around the severity of his condition. Big long blockages I was told. 99% occluded! He could have had a heart attack at any time!
As expected, he totally lost it over finding out that he was staring down open heart surgery. His worst fear about all of this had come true. The surgery wasn't scheduled till Friday, two very long days after the definitive diagnosis. He was admitted immediately and we sat for two long days in the AZ Heart Hospital contemplating his biggest fear. I was trying
to be positive and helping to stave off the panic and fear of the impending surgery.
to be positive and helping to stave off the panic and fear of the impending surgery.
The bypass surgery was done by Dr. Hessel, a very skilled surgeon. The surgery went well with no complications and was completed around the 3 hour projected mark. He spent the next 3 days there in ICU and came home on day 5. He has had a really rough time with breathlessness and being tired. Because he is on blood thinners, the bruises he has are beyond awful! He has become hyper aware and fearful of everything he feels. I suppose you would all things considered.
Down right angry and mean as can be as well. Impatient, unhappy with everyone and everything. Fortunately he says the pain is mostly gone. It's mostly the reality of his situation he is fearful about. He watched his Mom struggle with and chase arterial blockages all over her body. Many surgeries and multiple stents before losing both of her legs to
PVD.
PVD.
I'm watching the depression set in now. His "new lease on life", short lived by the fear of what's to come I think. The real enemy is Arteriolosclerosis. Not his heart. Plaque that can probably be found in other arteries in his body.
A humbling experience to witness as well... If I'm honest, I'm not thrilled to have to go down this path. I still want to live, I'm still young and I'm not resolute to endure the rage the anger and blame on a daily basis. This will surely be a test of my own endurance and personal strength. I will do good to come out of this 6-8 week recovery period with any self esteem left... This may be very difficult indeed to endure. The story of Cinderella comes to mind.
The day before his angiogram, I took a long 4 mile walk. The sky was incredibly beautiful. It had been raining and was just beginning to clear. I had never walked among such beautiful clouds! It was serene and it felt like a spiritual experience. When I rounded the street corner to my house, I saw a beautiful rainbow entirely over my house. It gave me great peace and joy. The most inspiring feelings came to mind. I was very grateful for those moments of solace! It was magical!
Have a terrific Sunday.
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