tynajoymetzner

Breaking Bread And Rewriting First Impressions

My bread machine brings me joy! I haven’t used this machine in years. I pulled it out of my pantry and cleaned the heck out of it. Then I made a trip to my grocery store to stock up on bread making essentials. Yeast, flour and my favorite buttermilk powder that I enjoy adding to my basic white bread recipe.

This powder adds a delicious richness to my bread recipes. 

I made my first loaf in years and my family already plowed through half of it this morning. I currently have another loaf in progress in my machine. The novelty will wear off I’m sure but I’m enjoying the process. 

My decision to start making my own bread again came from reading the label of ingredients in my purchased packaged bread. So many unnatural and processed ingredients! Not appetizing! At least I know what is and isn’t in my homemade bread. Im trying to become more mindful of eliminating processed foods where I can? Not to mention that it tastes so much better. I think there is satisfaction in making bread. Even if you cheat and use a bread machine to make it!

Charlotte was absolutely adorable trying to bite the ear of my ceramic cat !🤣 I couldn’t resist attempting to capture this moment. Of course I made a TikTok post out of this w/music… here’s the link⬇️

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTFSjcLPV/

While you are there, please like and follow me. I know, shameless TikTok plug…

Back to bread- 

I can’t help but find myself wishing that I could break bread with my bio dad’s family. I can’t help but wonder and think about what it would be like to have them for Thanksgiving. I’d love to be able to sit with them and learn about the family and my biological father that I missed out on knowing. As well as getting to know each of them personally. What a beautiful blessing it would be to initiate communication and goodwill toward the very woman who was so cruel to me when I approached her. I made a phone call to her after I discovered my true identity.

This woman was merely the niece of my father’s wife. I was born long before he married his wife so it wasn’t as if Uncle Bobby had cheated on her Aunt. The cruelty of that dismissive encounter has been ever present in many of my quiet moments. The absolute unwillingness to take an interest in hearing my story or even in knowing my name was particularly hurtful and so unnecessary.

If I had the opportunity to rewrite that unfortunately event in my life and in the life of this person, I sure would! I’d love a do over and I would hope to approach it differently. I was probably too direct and somehow perceived as threatening? My mere existence was perceived as a threat, that much was loud and clear.

Given an opportunity, I’d look to impart curiosity and a desire for acknowledgement and interest. Even a desire for a meet and greet like breaking bread at my Thanksgiving gathering. That would be my ultimate dream! Here’s my manifestation, it goes like this.

“I’m so happy and grateful to have found relationships in my biological father’s family! I’ve received great acceptance and new family members to bond with. We enjoy each other and I am grateful !”

Lyah Leflore, you and yours are always welcome to attend my Thanksgiving gathering. I make a nice meal with all the trimmings. Let us break bread and get to know each other! You’ve been invited❤️.

There ya go! 

Bobby J Brock (my father) in high school 

No clue how old he was here…A cousin that I found recently sent me this photo.

Bobby Joel Brock my Biological father. Probably around the time I was born? 

I was about 4-5 years old here. I inherited his curly hair.

 tynajoymetzner

A Summer Favorite Peach Cobbler Dump Cake

~Peach Cobbler Dump Cake~

The easiest most delicious peach cobbler I have ever had! This is a keeper and I will be making this a few times a year. 

I bought (4) 15.2 oz cans of peaches. Heavy syrup peaches are the best.

Drain 2 of the 4 cans thoroughly. The syrup from the other 2 cans is the perfect amount of syrup that will create a caramel sauce.

*Add all 4 cans to a 13×9 inch baker. *Sprinkle 1 teaspoon of cinnamon on top of the peaches. *Sprinkle a small amount of sea salt over the top.

*Sprinkle a box of cake mix evenly on top of your peaches and pat it down with your clean hand. Do not mix. Cake mix will be dry. You can use a yellow cake mix. I however used this and it is absolutely delicious!

* I melted 3/4 cup of butter (1 and 1/2 sticks of butter). *Pour the melted butter slowly on top of the cake mix. Cover the entire top with the melted butter. I’ve also seen people cut the butter into slices and place uniformly on top of the cake mix.

*Bake the cake for 50-60 min in a 350 degree oven.

Baking for about an hour gave this cobbler a golden crust as well as a perfect caramel peach sauce! Oh my it’s good! 

I plan to serve this to friends, with French Vanilla Ice-Cream.

 tynajoymetzner

I’m Lying Next To You In Silent Lucidity

The sky was full of dramatic clouds and color! Oh my goodness I don’t know that I’ve seen anything so spectacular in the sky. 

This in particular was almost chilling. Eerie for sure! The black and orange like fire was surreal! I almost felt as if I wasn’t seeing a sky of earth. This was taken the day before the full moon.

All of these photos were taken from my driveway. In the Phoenix suburb of Ahwatukee. 

The beautiful sunset felt ominous and suggestive of change to me. Like a change happening for many, not just me. A change that will alter our perspective and how we see the world. It’s just the sense I had while looking at the sky. The winds of change are coming! I’ve said with great conviction this year that “this is an interesting time to be alive!”

On a more personal note, my 35 year old daughter is moving to Texas next week. She and her kids will be joining her significant other there. I’m so sad! I want her to be happy of course. This has been planned for months but now she actually is leaving. 

The reality for me is how small my world is becoming. My husband isn’t working anymore and that has been incredibly difficult! He is a difficult person! Extremely negative and angry. It’s absolutely miserable. I feel like I’m on the shortest leash with a ton of eggshells to walk upon. Exhausting, disheartening and so not how I want to grow old!!!

This “until death do you part”, expectation is a trap! Marriage can be sadistic! The structure of marriage is power over as I see it. My rose colored glasses were literally knocked off my face a long time ago. Darn it! I was a real romantic for most of my life. I navigated from a place of love. I still do with most people but oh man I’ve been tested for a very long time now. Is this character building? 

Anyway, I’m reminded to meditate, manifest and look for the beauty of life. My mission here is to impart love and joy! 

The lyrics in Silent Lucidity suggest and remind me that I’m not alone. Someone is surely watching over me. 

My Cover on TikTok ⬇️

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTNvTnJhK/

Have a good week! 

Silent Lucidity

Song by Queensrÿche

Silent Lucidity 

Lyrics-

Hush now, don’t you cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
You’re lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream spinning in your head

Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day, your dream is over
Or has it just begun?

There’s a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run through in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didn’t realize and you were scared

It’s a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly you hear and see this magic new dimension

will be watching over you
(I) am gonna help you see it through
(I) will protect you in the night
(I) am smiling next to you, in silent lucidity

I can’t do this
Visualize your dream, record it in the present tense
Put it into a permanent form
If you persist in your efforts, you can achieve dream control
How’s that then, better?
Dream control, dream control
Help me

If you open your mind for me
You won’t rely on open eyes to see
The walls you built within
Come tumbling down, and a new world will begin

Living twice at once, you learn
You’re safe from the pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly
A round trip journey in your head
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dream’s alive, you can be the guide but

will be watching over you
(I) am gonna help you see it through
(I) will protect you in the night
(I) I’m smiling next to you

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Chris Degarmo

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️!

 tynajoymetzner

From My Desk To Your Device Of Choice

This political climate has become utterly ridiculous and I am choosing to remove myself from politics.

I refuse to get caught up in the hatred and disrespect that having an opinion seems to create. You will not hear anything from me on the subject of politics! I refuse to be a player or a vessel for contention. 

Last election 4 years ago, was an utter shit show! All the bad feelings around humanity was disheartening! I’m not going to think about it. I’m sure not going waste energy trying to impose an opinion. 

These influencers and celebs who have a large following are ridiculous! Why the need to bash one or the other party? Why?! Is it necessary to be exclusive rather than inclusive?! When I see the faces of the outspoken celebrities, I only see the hate. Spoiled brats who have to have their way! Not a good look. 

Anyway, a thought came to me last week-“The best we ever feel, is when we are creating. Let’s do more of that!”

The email address is incorrect. My updated email address should you want to connect is, 

tynajoy.metzner@gmail.com 

I had a lot of fun creating this week. Here are a few links to my new TikTok posts. 

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTNq8y4Ej/– When Your Pets Are Tired Of You Hanging Around The House 

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTNq8Bv1D/ I made an easy Coconut Cream Ice-cream Pie

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTNq8FSAh/The Best We Ever Feel Is When We Are Creating 

This mug is from what I consider to be my hometown. I lived on the central coast for 36 years! 

Morro Bay is likely foggy and chilly this time of year. A stark contrast to the 114 temps we have been experiencing here in Phoenix. I long to have a small condo there for a summer reprieve- A peaceful quiet place on the central coast of California. Beautiful big rock, Morro Rock. Nice sand dunes to climb. Cool ocean breeze. Sand dollars and shells to pick up. Long walks along the surf. Walking barefoot in the sand. Humidity! Moist air. Frizzy, curly hair… well thank god for hair product lol.

Clam Chowder and my favorite Fish & Chips… The Embarcadero, sweet souvenir shops galore. Sea Otters and Seals awwwwww! 

I’m manifesting…Have a good day ! 

Domestic Abuse From A Survivor Perspective

 tynajoymetzner

Domestic Abuse From A Survivor Perspectivei

Something More Than Nothing by Tyna J. Phipps 

I happen to be most proud of my SoundCloud channel. It is truly an honest representation of my music catalog! Music from my youth as well as my originals. A collection of spirit filled musical treasures that have all touched me in some way.

I wrote this song from a wannabe survivor perspective –

Something More Than Nothing-

This, is my most recent and raw recording.

https://on.soundcloud.com/zZSTcsHhkxsuP7Dh8

I don’t think many understand how hard it is to leave for good. The psychological impacts are devastating to a persons spirit. It leaves them tied to the abuser. Prolonged exposure creates – Stockholm Syndrome a.k.a, trauma bond.

When you lose yourself to the constant bombardment of character assignation it can become daunting.

When you have to live by someone else’s rule by threat, you comply for the hope of peace.

Trying to placate a narcissist is exhausting.

*When you find you have no financial resources then you are really trapped. It’s like a cancer that just keeps growing in your spirit. You start looking for all the good you can find. You try to be your best self. You try to shut out all the negativity and soul crushing words, rages against you.

*When you feel you can’t do anything to change your circumstance you begin searching for diversions. Self introspection for comfort and joy. A very lonely place to be.

It’s an awful place that teaches you immense self love, grace, and coping skills… Inner strength and an innate desire to overcome adversity. A lot of inner motivational monologues and manifesting meditation  as well.

Praying, pleading with God, and underlying hope as well as despair happen in times of abuse cycles. The whole gambit of emotions.

It’s a terrible, way to exist. Trying to overcome someone whose mission is to overpower and criticize anything good. Unless you walk in a wannabe survivors shoes- you probably would never understand how someone could get there and stay stuck.

 tynajoymetzner

My Independence Day Poke Cake Shortcake

This was pretty easy and by far my most delicious shortcake- 

I started by baking a white cake using milk instead of water and 3 whole eggs, not just the whites. 

While cooling the baked cake, I poked holes using a wooden spoon handle. 

I poured a can of Sweetened Condensed Milk into the holes. I then took a rubber spatula and spread the top of the cake to make sure all of the holes were covered with the condensed milk. 

I let the cake cool then placed it covered in the refrigerator for 3 hours. 

While it was cooling I cut my strawberries and added blackberries in a large pourable measuring glass bowl. To the combined fruit I added 1/4 cup of coarse raw sugar and 1/4 of water. I mixed the fruit well making sure the juices and sugar was completely dissolved. I refrigerated the fruit for later use. 

This created syrupy but yet chunky fruit to ladle onto the cake

I frosted the cake with 1 regular tub of Cool Whip. I love using Cool Whip with fruit! Cool Whip is a perfect balance of creamy whipped topping that isn’t too sweet. Frosting would be way too sweet! I adorned the cake with red, white, and blue sprinkles. 

This sat overnight as I made the cake in the 3rd of July. This allowed the cake time to absorb the sweetened condensed milk. 

Very easy and so delicious! Hope you had a terrific celebration. 

Ours was low key as it has been extremely hot in Phoenix. As I write this it is 5 pm. July 5 and it’s 🥵 hot. 

What I wouldn’t give to have a beach house somewhere to escape to! Or even a nice trailer somewhere cool. We become hermits trying to avoid the intense sun and heat. I do however take my dog for a 2 mile walk at about 6 am. If the temperature is below 90. Ugh . 

The life of the snowbirds in reverse. Leave for the summer and maybe come back in the fall? Maybe lol… 

This is typical July weather in Phoenix. The monsoon season should be renamed nonsoon. A no rain all dust and wind weather occurrence for many years now! I have watched this change happen. I’ve lived here for 20 years now. I’d really like to move but where ??? I’m working on manifesting a move. 🤔 . 

Have a terrific weekend!

Shingles By My Eye

 tynajoymetzner

Shingles Near My Eye

Oh the swelling! 

I delayed going to the Dr. because at first I thought I was getting hives from a new skin care serum I had started using. When the pain and swelling kicked in, I knew I needed to get checked out.

In addition to seeing my primary, I was seen by an eye specialist because the virus was so close to my eye. Fortunately I was able to get right in to an eye Dr. 

I was so relieved to hear that my eye wasn’t infected. I had a follow up appointment yesterday. I got the all clear conclusion that shingles is no longer a threat to my eye! 

As with everything that happens to me medically, I researched this virus from head to toe. I was surprised to learn that 1 in 3 people who have had chickenpox will get this awful virus! Herpes Zoster is the medical term for shingles. 

I was given an anti viral medication to take even though my primary thought it may be too late. I did take it and I believe it helped. The most concerning symptom to me wasn’t the actual lesions on my face. Under my eye, the bag filled with fluid. It was an odd sensation and very itchy. My brow bone was so painful! Pain radiated from my check to behind my left eye. This fluid under my eye just sat there so full that the swelling obstructed my vision. It was a humbling experience to try to get out and mix in public.

I kept busy although I had that crushing viral fatigue. I walked and I baked a pie between resting in bed. Did all of my normal household chores around laying in bed.

After the lesions appeared and scabbed over, I knew I was on the mend. Within a week of rest I was thrilled at my progress. The fluid is disappearing!

What an experience. Contributed factors in getting shingles- Stress, Immune system decline and age are the perfect trifecta for shingles. 

Things that helped get through the miserable symptoms- 

Ice packs on the forehead lesions and my eye. I took Tylenol a couple of times. I ate healthy foods. I drank a lot of water, took my anti viral med. I rested. Now, I am taking a multivitamin. I’m hoping this is a smart move? My Dr. told me Lysine is a good supplement for the immune system. Zinc as well. Vitamin D3. 

This is me today. Two weeks in to the shingles diagnosis. I’m definitely feeling better every day. I hear that you can get shingles over and over again. I was told that in 3 months, I can get the shingles vaccine. I’ll have to really consider this. I definitely don’t want shingles again! 

My initial symptoms started weeks before the lesions erupted. I had a burning and painful gland behind my left ear. This pain lasted a few hours. I wondered what the heck that was. My other symptom was random pain of my left eye . Severe burning pain 2 weeks before I became sick! Numbness, extreme tingling around my left eye was another odd sensation. 

*General fatigue and weakness… headache in my eye. 

*Raised welts and red rash. Fluid filled lesions- swollen glands 

Stay well! My hope is that by sharing this experience it will bring awareness to someone who might benefit from this post.