A Little Of This And A Lot Of That...

Saying goodbye wasn't easy. In fact, it blew my mind! It was incredibly hard to wrap my head around having to let go of Alissa. She cried and was terribly insecure at the thought. I bet it was extrermely hard for her to understand all of these grown ups making these decisions for her. She must have felt helpless knowing that she had no choices. She just has to comply.

I know that her Mom is thrilled to have her back and now, we wait and see if this will go well. I hope for the best for all of us. I also understand our situation so... If it doesn't work out, we will take Alissa back indefinately if need be.

Meanwhile, the heartache was too great walking by her room. I reclaimed the room. I worked all day making it into a home office! I could have put my keyboard in there but I decided it was more important to have a quiet study place. Howard is going to school online to obtain his Master's. Zoe also does a lot of studying so I created a space for the students. I also am using the desk as we speak. I was happy with the space! Howard was actually impressed with my effort. He said it was a beautiful office.

We also had Zoe leaving for a school related weekend conference! She was selected to attend a weekend leadership camp in Prescott. Between service hours for National Junior Honor Society, and her AZ Merit scores, she is well on her way to a great high school experience academically! The leadership camp will also help propel her into the next phase.

I took a  pic of her at the school getting ready to leave. You can see, she wasn't thrilled that I had to take a pic.

Finding ourselves with a weekend to ourselves, we went to dinner and dessert. We had Vietnamese food at the Mekong Center, our favorite Vietnamese place called UNPHOGETTABLE.

For dessert, we went to a great little place called Tea And Snow. We had the most delicious dessert. I will ask for this often when the occasion arises. It is scrumptious!

Shaved Ice with mango and coconut flavored ices. Adorned with red bean and rainbow jellies!

 

I was tired and definitely emotionally wrung out but I have a sense that we did good!  We did the best that we could for this little girl and she knows that we love her and are there for her. She knows that we will take her back in a heartbeat should she need us to step in. I hope that makes her feel more secure in the transition.

I'd like to think that we made a difference in this little gals life! She and her Mom will be coming for Thanksgiving. We will drive over to pick them up and then return them home Thanksgiving eve.

I have no idea what is on the agenda for today. I would like to get our multicolored Edison lights up! Some of our neighbors have been putting up their Christmas lights!

Have a terrific Saturday everyone!

 

Everything Must Change

The time has come... After having been here for the past 10 months, she's going home to Mom! The caseworker came for his regular monthly visit yesterday. When I asked him how the case was coming along he told me that the reunification team had been put in place and that she can return home to her Mom Friday morning.

My daughter didn't even know. I was able to call and give her the good news! She was speechless. Excited and probably scared too. Alissa herself has mixed feelings. She has become part of this family, and was content to be here so I imagine it will be a big change. It will be for all of us! I had my days when I longed for the peace and quiet I had taken for granted a year ago. Now, I just think I'll feel empty. Alissa will surely be missed! Her enthusiasm and spirit in the house was a treasure. She is a survivor and a kind soul!

I will be packing her things up today as she will picked up by the parent aide in the morning. I really 

hope this past year made a difference to the living conditions and circumstance in which she will be 

navigating from. I can only think it has to be positive, solid change. I have had a lot of big changes this year with a lot of heartbreaking, profound sadness. I just want to shake this year off and focus on the things that I can do and that fulfill me. Although this year has been full of big changes, in ways, I felt like I was on hold. I'll be glad to feel the weight of the responsibility 24/7 lifting. 

Change is interesting in that it always forces you to take a look at your life. The good, bad, ugly and wonderful things that make up your life. I can envision spending some time to evaluate and revisit my hopes and dreams. I surely hope to find something good in all this work of life I've been doing. 

 

Praying For Time 

Maybe we should all be praying for time... When I decided that I wanted to do this cover, Alissa had just come to me. I remember being totally connected and invested in the darkness of her life circumstance that brought her here to me. I was bewildered and angry I felt as if I could totally relate to this dark message! The darkest song I cover but, 

it helped me to deal with the emotions I was having about life at that particular time. 

I lost my Dad shortly after she came to me also. I was really questioning a lot of things about what all of this life thing is. A lot of deep reflection and pondering life this year.

As he was passing, this song came to me in spirit. I covered this in his final hours and I had felt this songs message would have depicted my fathers ideology.

 

Imagine

Imagine there's no heaven- it isn't hard to do...

A virtual ton of emotional stuff this year omg! 

You just do the best you can do. I naviagate with my own mission statemenet that I wrote last year.

Whatever I touch, there I will prosper.

Whatever touches me, I will make better! 

Becoming The Queen Of Something More Than Nothing

Spent the morning working on a few musical ideas.

I ended up working on this, my original...

Something More Than Nothing

Click on this link. SoundCloud ➡️ Something More Than Nothing

(Lyrics)

Something More Than Nothing written by Tyna J. Metzner

Why can't you see that I'm real and breathing and I, have a wish to fulfill. I want to know that there's more than nothing, in my heart I know that there's something.

I know theyrv'e been times before when I, I should have walked out that door and I, I sometimes think that I want to - but I know, how far can I go, it's not just me and so I have to just be.

I find myself trying to explain things away, but the pain of loving you, it follows me. So I wait for the day I can feel "free", to be just me- I can't wait, for the day that I can change something more than nothing.

If I could do it all again, differently, I'd write, a better part for me. I'd show the world just who I can be, the Queen, of something more than nothing!

I'd take the time to invest in me, to see all that I, can be. It's not enough to settle for nothing, if your heart tells you this than find something- and you'll see, just like me, that you can do, something more than nothing.

Living Large In A Small Pantry = Frosting On Your Big Toe

It is about this time of year that every time you go to the grocery store, you buy a few or a lot of extra  things. We start squirelling away cans of cranberry sauce, karo syrup, spices, and extra butter...In my house, I have an apartment sized pantry and I'm busting at the seams trying to find little places in my kitchen to squirrel stuff. What were they thinking putting an apartment sized pantry in my 3 bedroom house? So inconvienent to have this set up when you are a home cook. Meaning that I cook and am in my kitchen everyday, workin it lol. It gets really annoying when the same can of frosting keeps falling out of the pantry on your toe. I have rearranged this darn thing many times trying to make it more workable but to no avail. Now, I resort to squirreling things away wherever I can!

Where is the kitchen pantry contest! They have a contest for everything else... Where can I enter for a "dream pantry"? I know I'm not alone in this. Many women, probably right here in my neighborhood,

 are feeling the food intrusion. I have French's Fried Onions and Martinelli's Cider coming out of the 

woodwork and the wine rack too lol.

Lol, you thought that I was kidding? My pathetic two maybe three small shelves pantry.

I could never make it in a "tiny" house. Not with my cooking on a grand scale lifestyle. 

Living large in a small kitchen = frosting on your big toe! 

Nous Vivons Ensemble 

Today I Give Myself Roses

These roses came from my front yard. My roses bushes are loving the moderate temp here in Phoenix. I am enjoying having roses in the yard to cut and bring in!

Ok so today is the day! Today is the day that I change my thinking! I can't change much in this world but I can change my thought process. I can put blinders on, put my head down and focus on what direction and how I want this savant and my life to go. After having an enlightning argument with my husband, I am reminded that I'm here only because I have to be. The disconnect in our relationship runs so deep to the core of my spirit! I understand that he is choosing to try to destroy me. I also understand that he views me as whatever he wants and needs me to be for his purpose, not as a person in my own right with goals, hopes, dreams and aspirations for myself. The coexistence will live on but my desire for a meaningful friendship with this man has left me.

What he will never care to understand : how much more determined I become when he disparages

 me! The more hell bent on destroying my spirit , the more love, compassion and sheer will I have to succeed and overcome him. This life lesson is surely a test of will. 

Yesterday was one of those days that I wished that I could run away from home...

But, I find I remain steadfast in a commitment that I made. If only to be true to myself so that I have no regrets to overcome.

So, today I remind myself that I can do,

" Something More Than Nothing "

 SoundCloud link ➡️ Lost In The Game
 

Who Controls The Stars***

Have a great Sunday!

Celebrating Escaping The Ax

We found ourselves in Downtown Chandler, AZ last night. Our neighboring town. We had dinner at a casual eatery called the San Tan Brewing Company.

The food was good but huge portions.

This  was an interesting combination of foods. Mac and Cheese Burger on a Pretzel Roll. If I hadn't been coming off of the stomach flu this would have been much more enjoyable. I wasn't impressed with the cheese they chose to use or the texture of the noodles for that matter. My own opinion! It presents pretty on the plate though!

Howard really did enjoy his bacon burger and beer. Here he is posting his own pic about celebrating the fact that he survived the lay off! We just found out... We have been breathing a big sigh of relief.
That was definitely worthy of celebrating! Downtown Chandler was beautiful all lite up for the holidays. It was crowded and loud in the San Tan Brewery. I felt like I should have worn a pair of Norton's (expensive high tech earplugs) in the place. Bustling is a better word for the place. Packed, a nice light hearted atmosphere. Downtown Chandler itself has a nice vibe to it. I really like just walking around through the local shops.

Today, I am going to be assisting Howard in our own backyard ambience lighting project. We are stringing some multicolor Edison lights in canopy fashion over our backyard lawn. These we will leave up for a few months as they are not just for Christmas!  My hope is to be able to enjoy them until next summer. It really makes for a nice dining experience on the patio. Now AZ is the envy of the rest of the nation with our beautiful temps. Today the high will be about 80 degrees. Not hot! 80 here is just beautiful! The nights are chilly dipping down into the 50's. Chilly to us, not to most of the U.S.

Howard likes to do these kinds of projects and, he does them well. This is his thing, he really gets into to decorating for Christmas. Every year after Christmas he hits the sales on lights. This year, he bought these Edison lights as well as all of the lights we bought after Christmas. I have a feeling that he has forgotten how many lights he bought last year. He will be surprised when we dive into the Christmas stuff come Black Friday. We spend Thanksgiving weekend decorating outside rather than shopping. I detest combat shopping! Our display gets a little better each year. Our neighbors tell us how much they appreciate our Christmas display efforts. We are a corner house among many older neighbors who do minimal decorating. As I said, this is Howard's thing and I don't discourage him because this really makes him happy! He is like a kid in a candy store when it comes to Christmas stuff. We look and we plan months in advance from store to store. It makes him happy. I'm all for supporting happiness!

 I found a smokin deal on these lights from Walmart.com. They were running $10.77 in the store. I found them on sale last weekend online at Walmart.com for $ 7.77! a  $3.00 a box savings! They shipped them for free, and I got these within 5 days of placing the order.

We bought 12 boxes of these to string for today. I'm excited to see the completed canopy!

I chose the title for this post due to a dream. I woke up thinking that I want to effect a change. Not sure what this mind speak is trying to tell me but I'm sure it's for the positive and good!

I'll Be Home For Christmas

Perfect Timing

I think this was a really great thing to do with this almost 5 year old. We took both Zoe and Alissa to our local Guitar Center music store. I think that we spent over an hour in there checking out different instruments.
They each tried. Drums, guitars and keyboards.  This is my kind of candy store although I purchased my keyboard from a company called Zzounds.
What a great experience this was for both kids. Zoe doesn't know it but she is getting an electric guitar for Christmas. We think she will have fun with it. I was amazed by how natural a pair of drumsticks was in the hand of Alissa.  She looked like a natural!
The love for playing an instrument and playing music is always a good thing to nuture! I  think it's money well spent!  My biased opinion of course!
Going to our local music store was like taking the kids on a field trip! A hands on music experience. How do you know what you might like to do unless you are exposed to new things? Please folks, don't forget to nuture your kids musical aspirations!

You never know, they may end up wanting to do something like this when they grow up. 

Who cares that it doesn't pay lol the experience, contentment and joy it brings to the spirit of a person is priceless!