A Blog about life and living through my life experience and perspective. I am a writer, singer/songwriter childhood savant musician...Trying to find my niche and stake my place in society...
My latest upload of my original, please click here on the link!➡️ Lost In The Game
This is my latest SoundCloud upload! I had fun creating this today! Please check it out! I'm lazing around today watching Temp-tations ware on QVC. I'm drooling over this beautiful stoneware! I'm being good, haven't bought a thing! The 20 piece bakware in the fallfetti pattern is tempting for sure! Especially on easy pay of 4, $25.00 payments! Ooh lala pretty!
Try as you might, sometimes it seems as if your effort goes un noticed. You can work hard at everything that you do and what you end up with is exhaustion. Lol. How many times have you spent your time and energy thinking you were accomplishing a lot only to find you have somehow fallen short at the end of the project? I have been feeling a lot like that lately. I try to do my best wherever my focus takes me. I wrote an affirmation last year...
Whatever I touch, there I will prosper- Whatever touches me, I will make better.
I'm all for positive thinking! I have yet to feel that the universe is hearing me though lol. You don't know how many times I find myself outside taking out the trash in the evening, looking up at the sky and wishing on stars. Wishing for recognition and some sort of accolade for the effort I put out, in any direction. I'm looking to feel that I am good at something! Surely I am?
When you live with a habitual naysayer, you simply must have many talks with yourself and the universe about what and who you really are!
I was watching a YouTube video of Annie Lennox doing I Put A Spell On You. Specifically her performance at the Grammy's...I found myself in tears beaming with pride for her performance. I think in the history of that song, nobody has or will ever do it better! She had everyone in awe and on their feet! Astonishing!
What, would it be like to be able to feel like she must have at that moment in time!
I am attempting to cover that song as well, with my own arrangement lol. I gotta say, she really set the bar on that one! Lol. Don't get me wrong, I have no delusion of being able to get anywhere close to her intensity and ability to sell a song. I merely intend to have fun with my own style and arrangement. Mine will not sound like anything that I have heard. It has my own kind of stamp. I thought that it would be fun to do around Halloween.
No, the world doesn't give you accolades, you've got to recognize your own accomplishments. Take time out to notice a few of your own, whatever they may be!
This is the sand at Coronado beach in San Diego. It is amazing with what looks like particles of gold glitter! The entire shoreline has this gold flake! Beautiful. I was just in awe. A friend later told me it occurs from dredging the harbors. It just looks magical!
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This was Alissa's first time seeing the ocean. Of course, she loved it! She said it was in her dreams to go there lol.
Enjoying the sand
The boys built an awesome sandcastle!
It was freak hot weather at the beach. We thought we could cool off coming from Phoenix.
Alissa and Liz
Zoe and Paige
A great time was had by all! What a beautiful place! I will dream of this sand!
This is a better presentation than the previous cover of mine that it replaces on YouTube. It was great to play today as I haven't in a few weeks! I am working on a blues cover which I hope to finish and post before Halloween. I'm anxious to finish and post it. If I can, it will be a really fun accomplishment!
I sure love this original. It reminds me of my mother. Mom passed away 13 years ago but I still think about her every day! She was a great lady and I really miss her! She would be thrilled that I am still doing this. I had put this on the back burner the last several years of her life. She would be glad that I didn't give up this part of myself that makes me, me...I think I am happiest when I can get in my own zone...
This, is the face of a woman determined to fake it till you make it. I am living this song. Trust me, if this song were to become, "something", it would be the sweetest retribution for having lived this! I wrote it as an outlet for my feelings of entrapment. Being a career housewife has not served me well as a person in my own right! After I wrote this, I felt empowered. I felt as if I had found my voice and I was speaking out against the injustices that I live. I had hoped that it would change my life for the better. I was sad that I couldn't get this anywhere that could help me. I was shouting this out from my heart, only to have it fall flat and on deaf ears. This is a song about abuse and empowerment.
I don't know what I thought would happen through my personal revelation. I didn't think in fantasy. I just spoke my truth! This is the very first song that I wrote. A burning need to recognize and verbalize my broken self. Don't know whats harder to except...my plight, or my lack of self care that got me here! Still, the element of hope remains that I can change my own destiny! I know that I'm not alone. Many women are living this type of existence! October is domestic violence awareness month. If you or someone you love is living this life, be kind! Understand that it isn't easy to leave for many reasons!
When you live abuse for an extended period of time, it becomes an insurmountable hole to climb out of. Check out the definition of Stockholm syndrome... We all stay for a myriad of reasons. I believe that the devestation/ hit to our core self esteem is the culprit and the glue that keeps us stuck. Other factors of socio- economic and child custody issues are contributing factors. So, before you judge anyone for not leaving a miserable marriage, please understand that you probably don't understand what they are living! It is never as easy as just walking away until you really know that you can fly on your own! It takes a lot of reassurance and confidence to accomplish starting a new life. The mere thought can be daunting for those who have been conditioned to feel incapable an ineffectual. Verbal and physical abuse are a psychology!
Something More Than Nothing (lyrics)
Why can't you see that I'm real and breathing and I , have a wish to fulfill.
I want to know that there's more than nothing, in my heart I know that there's something.
I know there've been times before when I should've walked out that door and I, sometimes think that I want to- but I know, how far can I go, it's not just me so I have to just be.
I find myself trying to explain things away but the pain of loving you, it follows me. So I wait for the day I can feel FREE to be just me. So I wait, for the day, that I can change something more than nothing.
If I could do it all again, differently, I'd write, a better part for me. I'd show the world just who I can be, the Queen, of something more than nothing!
I'd take the time to invest in me, to see all that I can be! It's not enough to settle, for nothing! If you heart tells you this than find something and you'll see, just like me, that you can do something more than nothing!
This was our campground for our San Diego excursion. It is quite nice and has changed a lot since we
were there last. I think it was about five years ago! I love how they decorated for Halloween around the park. Charming! This KOA is actually located in Chula Vista. I highly recommend this for a lodging option!
This was our campsite. Putting it together and taking it down coupled with the 7 hour drive ( with lots of kids), for only 2 nights was crazy. It was extremely hot in San Diego giving us no reprieve from the Phoenix heat. So will we do this again? Only if we have more time that we can stay!
Tommy and Nate, this was a first time camping experience for them.
Alissa's first time camping.
Our tent was large... Britt had her own tent and site adjoining ours for her family.
Liz and Nate
Liz
Marshmallow roasting and spooky story telling! Paige and Zoe...
Pretty string lights
Hot dogs and chili! Britt and Aaron
Paige and Zoe...
We also had way to much gear with us! The KOA had electric burners and even a large BBQ grill that we could have used! Didnt need half of what we brought lol. Nice! Live and learn! This KOA provided nice sinks to wash your dishes too! You can tell we don't camp much by how little we knew about this KOA's ammenities.
We took a walk around the park and were amazed by the beautiful RV's. The amount of money people spend on these things is amazing! I would love to own and travel in a large, pretty RV! That would be my dream Glamping! What I wouldn't give to be able to own one! Maybe in my next life? Fun to dream about!
This was a sweet sight to see when I went to bed last night, my BFF's were waiting... These cats are so precious! It's still too hot for covers on the bed. I don't even put the comforter on when I make my bed.
Court is this morning. We are going to see what the outcome is of all of this with my daughter and granddaughter is today. We also hope to be able to talk to the judge and let him know about the what it has been like on our end. I really can't tell you what I am hoping for here. I dread in ways that Alissa has to go back into her poverty stricken life. I do however know that my daughter has rights to raise her daughter without prejudice about her socio-economic status. I just want Alissa to be safe and happy. If that can be achieved by being placed back with her Mom, I'll be glad! It will be a different life for the two of them now that Dad has been banished from the picture.
No telling how this day will play out for my family. At least we will all come away with a better idea of what to expect in these upcoming weeks and months. I will have a better understanding as to what my daily life will be. I know that Alissa returning to her Mom is a sure thing as long as my daughter continues to do well, as she has been.
I feel that if I were ever needed to be a permanent solution I would want to be. I have come to terms with this.
Post Court:
Alissa will be going home as soon as CPS puts a reunification team in place. The judge will sign custody over to my daughter. This may take a few weeks to a month. The judge commended my daughter on doing a good job in these past 10 months. All in all, a 10 minute hearing. We spent about 45 min. talking with my daughter about her future plans and her victory in court today. I really hope this new life as a single parent will make my daughter stronger. I know that shes looking forward to starting over! I suppose that she has earned the right to try.
