Domestic Abuse From A Survivor Perspective

 tynajoymetzner

Domestic Abuse From A Survivor Perspectivei

Something More Than Nothing by Tyna J. Phipps 

I happen to be most proud of my SoundCloud channel. It is truly an honest representation of my music catalog! Music from my youth as well as my originals. A collection of spirit filled musical treasures that have all touched me in some way.

I wrote this song from a wannabe survivor perspective –

Something More Than Nothing-

This, is my most recent and raw recording.

https://on.soundcloud.com/zZSTcsHhkxsuP7Dh8

I don’t think many understand how hard it is to leave for good. The psychological impacts are devastating to a persons spirit. It leaves them tied to the abuser. Prolonged exposure creates – Stockholm Syndrome a.k.a, trauma bond.

When you lose yourself to the constant bombardment of character assignation it can become daunting.

When you have to live by someone else’s rule by threat, you comply for the hope of peace.

Trying to placate a narcissist is exhausting.

*When you find you have no financial resources then you are really trapped. It’s like a cancer that just keeps growing in your spirit. You start looking for all the good you can find. You try to be your best self. You try to shut out all the negativity and soul crushing words, rages against you.

*When you feel you can’t do anything to change your circumstance you begin searching for diversions. Self introspection for comfort and joy. A very lonely place to be.

It’s an awful place that teaches you immense self love, grace, and coping skills… Inner strength and an innate desire to overcome adversity. A lot of inner motivational monologues and manifesting meditation  as well.

Praying, pleading with God, and underlying hope as well as despair happen in times of abuse cycles. The whole gambit of emotions.

It’s a terrible, way to exist. Trying to overcome someone whose mission is to overpower and criticize anything good. Unless you walk in a wannabe survivors shoes- you probably would never understand how someone could get there and stay stuck.

 tynajoymetzner

My Independence Day Poke Cake Shortcake

This was pretty easy and by far my most delicious shortcake- 

I started by baking a white cake using milk instead of water and 3 whole eggs, not just the whites. 

While cooling the baked cake, I poked holes using a wooden spoon handle. 

I poured a can of Sweetened Condensed Milk into the holes. I then took a rubber spatula and spread the top of the cake to make sure all of the holes were covered with the condensed milk. 

I let the cake cool then placed it covered in the refrigerator for 3 hours. 

While it was cooling I cut my strawberries and added blackberries in a large pourable measuring glass bowl. To the combined fruit I added 1/4 cup of coarse raw sugar and 1/4 of water. I mixed the fruit well making sure the juices and sugar was completely dissolved. I refrigerated the fruit for later use. 

This created syrupy but yet chunky fruit to ladle onto the cake

I frosted the cake with 1 regular tub of Cool Whip. I love using Cool Whip with fruit! Cool Whip is a perfect balance of creamy whipped topping that isn’t too sweet. Frosting would be way too sweet! I adorned the cake with red, white, and blue sprinkles. 

This sat overnight as I made the cake in the 3rd of July. This allowed the cake time to absorb the sweetened condensed milk. 

Very easy and so delicious! Hope you had a terrific celebration. 

Ours was low key as it has been extremely hot in Phoenix. As I write this it is 5 pm. July 5 and it’s 🥵 hot. 

What I wouldn’t give to have a beach house somewhere to escape to! Or even a nice trailer somewhere cool. We become hermits trying to avoid the intense sun and heat. I do however take my dog for a 2 mile walk at about 6 am. If the temperature is below 90. Ugh . 

The life of the snowbirds in reverse. Leave for the summer and maybe come back in the fall? Maybe lol… 

This is typical July weather in Phoenix. The monsoon season should be renamed nonsoon. A no rain all dust and wind weather occurrence for many years now! I have watched this change happen. I’ve lived here for 20 years now. I’d really like to move but where ??? I’m working on manifesting a move. 🤔 . 

Have a terrific weekend!

Shingles By My Eye

 tynajoymetzner

Shingles Near My Eye

Oh the swelling! 

I delayed going to the Dr. because at first I thought I was getting hives from a new skin care serum I had started using. When the pain and swelling kicked in, I knew I needed to get checked out.

In addition to seeing my primary, I was seen by an eye specialist because the virus was so close to my eye. Fortunately I was able to get right in to an eye Dr. 

I was so relieved to hear that my eye wasn’t infected. I had a follow up appointment yesterday. I got the all clear conclusion that shingles is no longer a threat to my eye! 

As with everything that happens to me medically, I researched this virus from head to toe. I was surprised to learn that 1 in 3 people who have had chickenpox will get this awful virus! Herpes Zoster is the medical term for shingles. 

I was given an anti viral medication to take even though my primary thought it may be too late. I did take it and I believe it helped. The most concerning symptom to me wasn’t the actual lesions on my face. Under my eye, the bag filled with fluid. It was an odd sensation and very itchy. My brow bone was so painful! Pain radiated from my check to behind my left eye. This fluid under my eye just sat there so full that the swelling obstructed my vision. It was a humbling experience to try to get out and mix in public.

I kept busy although I had that crushing viral fatigue. I walked and I baked a pie between resting in bed. Did all of my normal household chores around laying in bed.

After the lesions appeared and scabbed over, I knew I was on the mend. Within a week of rest I was thrilled at my progress. The fluid is disappearing!

What an experience. Contributed factors in getting shingles- Stress, Immune system decline and age are the perfect trifecta for shingles. 

Things that helped get through the miserable symptoms- 

Ice packs on the forehead lesions and my eye. I took Tylenol a couple of times. I ate healthy foods. I drank a lot of water, took my anti viral med. I rested. Now, I am taking a multivitamin. I’m hoping this is a smart move? My Dr. told me Lysine is a good supplement for the immune system. Zinc as well. Vitamin D3. 

This is me today. Two weeks in to the shingles diagnosis. I’m definitely feeling better every day. I hear that you can get shingles over and over again. I was told that in 3 months, I can get the shingles vaccine. I’ll have to really consider this. I definitely don’t want shingles again! 

My initial symptoms started weeks before the lesions erupted. I had a burning and painful gland behind my left ear. This pain lasted a few hours. I wondered what the heck that was. My other symptom was random pain of my left eye . Severe burning pain 2 weeks before I became sick! Numbness, extreme tingling around my left eye was another odd sensation. 

*General fatigue and weakness… headache in my eye. 

*Raised welts and red rash. Fluid filled lesions- swollen glands 

Stay well! My hope is that by sharing this experience it will bring awareness to someone who might benefit from this post.

 

Goodbyes And Taking The Long Way Home

My mission is complete with raising Zoe. We helped her and boyfriend Dylan move to Seattle. It was a beautiful but long drive from Phoenix. Every mile reminding me how far away Zoe will be from us. Ugh. This has been extremely hard as she was the baby of my children. I wasn’t young when she was born. I had her at 39 and a month after she was born, I turned 40.

She is the absolute dream daughter in terms of raising her. She reaches for a brass ring in everything she endeavors to do. Zoe is starting a 2 1/2 month internship with a prestigious accounting firm in Seattle. When that ends, she will begin a 9 month masters program at University of Washington. Once she completes that she will attempt her CPA certification.

Proud, is a tame expression of how overjoyed I am for her success and accomplishments! Over the moon better describes my feeling. I am missing her! I feel sad that she won’t be popping in to see us anymore! This process of allowing children to grow up and pursue their dreams, away…. Hmmmm lol! 

First time for me riding one of these!

Seattle is huge! Thank goodness for the great public transportation. I can’t see the kids wanting to drive there unless they have to! I rode this for the first time! It was efficient and convenient! Best part, my granddaughter and dog Luna rode for free! Being a University Of Washington student Zoe will have free rail privilege. Nice!

Moving in after 3 days on the road… 

From our hotel

I can hardly believe I left Zoe in this huge city! 

A city with no grass . My poor border collie couldn’t figure out how to pee there! Thankfully, she came through it with a smile on her dog face. She disliked the city!

Couer d’Alene Idaho had grass but I think this fake coyotes were to keep dogs off the grass. Can you see the WTH look Luna has on her face? 😂! Lol!

Love her ❤️She hung in there for this long car ride thru 7 states! Arizona, California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Montana and Utah! We took the long way home…

Speaking of taking the long way home? These lyrics have been my life soundtrack in a nutshell for a very long time- just sayin…

https://youtu.be/YLP0y-X4uYs?si=XtQGwBfBAk24gTx9 (Roger Hodgson) -Take The Long Way Home ⬆️

 tynajoymetzner

Mission Accomplished Now What?

On this, the eve of my 62nd birthday … 

Birthdays are an opportunity to spend time reflecting on your soul journey. Looking at where you’ve been to where your life path is heading. As we age, we realize that our desires don’t always fit with our reality. Some people are terrific at switching and changing narratives. My recent ASU graduate is that person. I however, still long for independence and, my own personal accomplishments. 

I recently spent several weeks recovering from a radial distal fracture, (broken wrist). First time experience of breaking a bone! 

A harsh lesson in patience, acceptance and frustration! I broke my right wrist which apparently was everything to me lol. When I couldn’t use my arm due to injury and the cast, I realized just how much I relied on my arm for everything I do. 

I had 5 weeks of immobilization in a cast. It didn’t take long to figure out the physical limitations. I wasn’t prepared for the mental / psychological challenge it would be. I had to think about and plan how to maneuver every task. Accomplishing household chores with just my left hand, at first. I was concerned that I might lose dexterity in my right hand permanently. I felt so broken! It was difficult to accept and stay positive. 

I never allowed myself to be helpless. I did everything from cooking, cleaning, making the bed, laundry, washing dishes. I power-walked a lot. I drove. I did everything but rest lol. Casts are uncomfortable! 🥴 

The first meal I made with my cast on… took a long time to make but I realized that I could still cook! The things we take for granted…

I missed my hand. I worried maybe it would change my ability to play the piano. It would break my heart and spirit if I couldn’t play well anymore. 

Anyway, I’m a few weeks out of my cast and I’m healing extremely well! I have been able to do everything I missed out on. Although still a bit stiff, I’m back! I played my keyboard for hours and hours a few days ago and I’m thrilled to be back at it. Wonderfully fun❤️. I needed that! 

A new perspective on life with a definite appreciation for the small things. 

Mother’ Day flowers 

Graduation party flowers-

Having this injury was a humbling experience for sure!
Thankfully, I got the cast off the day before Zoe’s graduation. 

It was painstaking to try to look nice with limited right hand lol. Oh well, I tried 😝.

During this recovery, my youngest daughter graduated from Arizona State University! She got her bachelor’s degree in accounting. 

Her Dad and I threw a big party for her. Lots of planning and home improvement projects while in my cast. I even painted! 

Forks up! Zoe is now a ASU alumni now!

Put in a pantry which is absolutely amazing! Howard built the pantry, I painted it. 

Love having all of this space! Has freed up my kitchen! 

Then we headed into Memorial Day Weekend… my grandson Thomas graduated from high school! 

Yay Tommy! 

Here he is with his siblings! 

Tomorrow is my birthday… definitely taking time out to have a Calgon (Dr. Teals) moment . Don’t have much planned. Cake and ice cream with our neighbors on Sunday. Going to conserve energy for the big drive to Seattle next week.! Zoe and her boyfriend are moving to Seattle. We are helping with the move. She will be starting an internship with a prestigious accounting firm there. In the fall, she begins her grad program at University Of Washington for her masters! 

Zoe is all grown up! 

Such an amazing young woman!

I’m definitely experiencing that empty nest feeling. I will miss Zoe so much! I’m wondering how I want to live my life now that Zoe is grown? How do I see myself growing old? My job here is complete! 

Daughter Delcee and her family are moving to Texas in early July as well. So many changes leaving me to ponder what I should be doing with the rest of my years and where?! 

It’s time for me to dig deeper to reinvent myself! 

 tynajoymetzner

Ambidextrous Not In The Least

~Healing Journey~ 

Fractured right wrist. I fell while walking backward with a full wheelbarrow. A high impact fall after getting my foot caught up in some landscaping tubing. I threw my hand out to catch my fall. So typical outstretched hand injury.

I’m healing well and have 4 weeks in a cast to do.

 tynajoymetzner

Happy St. Patrick’s Day 2024

Rolled Molasses Cookies 

Lime Jello and Pears

Pistachio Dream Pudding

Making Corned Beef and Cabbage aka. New England Boiled Dinner. 

I love celebrating holidays! It gives me an opportunity to enjoy different ethnicities and research the folklore. Although these are not Irish recipes, this is traditional for my family. I make these things every St. Patrick’s Day and have for many many years. 

Many Beautiful 🌈 rainbows this winter. 

Could It Be Magic Cover Music – #YouTube