tynajoymetzner

Know My Name And Come Find Me

Degrees of relativity matter in DNA matching. Im finding that a great deal of detective work also goes into this science. My genealogist found the family I was in but first placed me with the older generation of them. So I was looking for my father in the wrong generation. I did finally find my biological father for sure! I’ve had a lot of help from two different genealogy experts. Their were enough people that had AncestryDNA tested in the two generations that I was able to pinpoint exactly who my Dad was. 

My sister found the smoking gun through old newspaper clippings of mothers time in the Roseville Civic Theater. In the early 60’s, Mom was having the time of her life. She wrote musicals, acting, directing and designing sets. Fortunately, it wasn’t hard to pull the bits and pieces together… My bio father and my Mom co-directed and were heavily involved in the Roseville Civic Theater. Many productions together working side by side for years…He was 10 years younger than my Mom. He was 28 when I was born. 

I wonder if he ever knew about me? He never had children and I was his only … Would he have wanted to know me? I sure inherited his curls… 

The picture below really got me! It was the first picture that I saw of him. Here is a year book picture of my father Bobby… I saw so much of myself in him it made me cry! It was like looking in the mirror. It really was an uncanny mind blowing feeling to see the resemblance… I instantly felt as if I had really missed out on knowing him.

This is a pretty recent pic of me…Maybe you can’t see a resemblance? But I know it’s there! I have other pictures of myself that might be a closer resemblance but oh my goodness his image hit home! 

What still resonates with me is how DNA can effect your life. Now, I know that both sides of my DNA were performers! They loved theater and performing. I now fully understand my musical side and my desire to perform. I’ve had a small, humble YouTube Channel for the past 8 years. My DNA match also explains why I’m not a shy person. I can talk to anyone about nearly everything. I’ve never been afraid to interview for a job. I always thought of it as just a conversation…

By the way, here is the link to my channel- Please stop by and say hi! Subscribe while you’re there, I appreciate your support.

https://youtube.com/c/TynaMetzner

Along this journey, I have found a whole gambit of emotions and nice people! It has been my full time job the past 2 or more weeks. I’ve been seeking  out cousins and have talked to several of them. All but one of the conversations I have had, have been wonderful. I have learned so much about the family and the rich Native American History I am a part of. Everyone I have talked to is very happy and full of pride regarding our Native American ancestry. They have all encouraged me to join the tribe! 

Unfortunately, the closest  living person I could find to my dad was his wife’s niece. She at first seemed to be interested in our association. I’ve got to tell you that my vantage point in all of this, has been a humbling experience. I most assuredly came from a mistake/ error in judgment! I know this, my mother was married to the man I grew up calling Dad! So right away, I realized that it was going to be humbling at best to approach people and seek information. Talk about a vulnerable position?! Omg the humbling that comes from this kind of secret revelation is painful and daunting. The only reason I have persued this quest for info…I really wanted to know my father! It means a lot to me! All the information I can get about this man makes me understand myself a little more. How I grew up and the secrets that were kept explain a lot about my childhood and my mothers resentment toward me. She had to know I was Bobby’s child, I looked just like him! Maybe that is why she was lost in a bottle all through my childhood… 

Anyway, my last exchange with this niece of my Dads wife, was the most telling and humbling of all. Agonizing to me actually. Brutal comes to mind… She treated me as if I were coming after his estate. She gave me some information but made it clear that she wanted no association with me. She didn’t even want to know my name. She kept saying “well I suppose you deserve to know that”, with a condescending and extremely dismissive tone and demeanor. Early on in the conversation she flat out said “their are no assets to be had here”. Omg I was so insulted at that inference ! I think I chuckled and informed her that I was looking for pictures and possibly some information about who he was as a person. But inside, I was crushed. She made sure to insult me and put me in my place a few more times during the curt, but informative exchange. At one time I tried to tell her that I think it’s interesting how DNA seems to carry over in hobbies and interests. I explained that I have a uncanny ability to play the piano without ever learning how to read music. She interrupted me with, “well they didn’t own a piano soooo no piano in their house to have”…omg I was floored by her assumptions and attitude!

My last question of her was about how he died. I wanted to know that for my own damn medical history! She said well, “I suppose you have a right to know that”. With such condescension she added “ Now that you have some information, it dead ends with me she said “ “They are dead and that’s too bad but it ends here ,with me” … I thanked her for her time and that was how we ended our chat. Awful!!! I kind of see where she might be coming from but did she have to be so cruel?? Horrid and left me a bit heartbroken. The harsh reality is though, that I really am at the end of my search. He had no other children I was the only….

I’m left feeling sad and like I have really missed out on knowing my father. I missed out! He may not of cared to know me but, I would have wanted to know him. He died at the young age of 67.  He died on the very day that my youngest daughter was born! This, is her birthdate! I would have been miserably sad had I actually known him then. It was hard enough that I had just lost my Mom 2 months prior to his passing.

I’ve learned a lot about my Grandmother and Great Grandmother and their history. A lot of this has been a great American history lesson. I found out that the famous Cherokee Chief, John Ross, is my 5th generation grandfather! 

Following in the footsteps of my descendants and ancestors, I will register with the tribe. That is my right, and a real privilege that I will take away from this staggering life experience. I will embrace this colorful history and revelation on my walk upon this earth. I may spend a day at the Rocklin Cemetery where so many of my relatives are buried. I’d like to visit the gravesites of this family I never got to know. I sure have heard a lot of wonderful things about my Grandmother Fay and my Great Grandmother Osa Ross Aday. Being a Gram myself of 8 grandkids, I can only hope to be remembered with such adoration ❤️. The love these cousins I talked to had for these two women, was absolutely heart warming! 

I would so have enjoyed getting to know her. What a treasure she was! So loved! 

A grand pioneer! A Native American woman who married Luis Aday and had nine children! What a hard working woman who helped with raising some of her grandchildren. She was beloved by many. The matriarch who gave the family rich history, a lot of love and, her all! I’ve enjoyed learning about her immensely.

I’ll end this post with a link to a cover that means even more to me now. It probably sums up best this experience for me. So much loss and a really deep sadness have come from this as well. I’ve shed more tears over this. That is why I’m rather glad to be at the end of this journey.., I have so many questions I’ll never know the answers to! So many emotions that I’ll take to my grave about this one day… So vulnerable and so raw this experience… Ive been humbled to my core in all of this. It’s time to let go of the obsession and intense seeking. Thanks for taking the time to read my Blog! Leave me a message, please be kind.

I Believe In Love written by Sir Elton John.. 

I Believe In Love Cover-

Give A Little Bit Cover Music

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Give A Little Bit Covers

Give A Little Bit (My Cover) 

I had a lot of fun working on this the past few days. It’s still a work in progress… I guess I always thought that this would be a rather quick cover. It was more of a challenge to attempt then I thought. It was full of nuances that just seemed more intricate than I had imagined that it would be! Interesting timing issues, coordination and a different way of playing! Every Roger Hodgson cover that I attempt, makes me appreciate this gifted creator immensely! I love the music of Roger Hodgson more and more with every attempt at a decent cover… This one, may have some fine tuning to come…

I incorporated a vocal version here. Although, I’m not sure it’s something I should have kept lol. I guess the point in trying, was just to feel as if I could? Heartfelt but too vulnerable… 

Give A Little Bit Cover With Vocals – 

Give A Little Bit Cover keyboard and Vocals https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/gBAngxkrq9MdxivE9

Unearthing My Bio Family And Heritage My Quest And Quandary

 This was my Facebook post this morning… 

This is my possible biological dad. A very old pic of him. This was sent to me by my possible niece or 2nd cousin… If this was indeed my father, how handsome he was!!! He could be my Uncle but I am awaiting DNA test results of this mans daughter to match us as either  1st cousins, or half sisters! 

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Ocean Excursion Purging My Funk

Downtown San Diego 

I enjoyed a mini vacay with my grown girls and all 8 of my G-Kids! This is the first time I have gone on a vacation with my grown kids. It was a wonderful experience and I hope to do this again! San Diego was crazy busy with tourists. I’m not sure that I need to go there again anytime soon. Where we stayed was an interesting experience… Plenty of homeless people lurking about. All over the streets and perched like birds on every possible wall of dirt. The homeless population in California is so sad to me as I’m from California. I understand how it happens, especially there with the economy. I’m still wondering how people can afford to live comfortably there! I’d go back there to live if I could afford to. The weather is ideal❤️.

The condo accommodation was adequate and quite charming!

We rented a small condo. To our surprise, it was nicer than we thought it would be! The kids brought sleeping bags and air mattresses and it worked out well! The condo itself, was perfect for our lively bunch.

We spent a whole day at Coronado beach. I love the gold sparkle of the sand there. It was mid week and totally bustling with people and naval aircraft flying overhead. Many planes came into and flew out of the naval base. 

We Arizonans were grateful for a reprieve from scorching summer temperatures!

Kadee and Amelia enjoyed every min of jumping and frolicking in the great pacific!

Delcee and Kole. He didn’t like the ocean much… lol maybe next time? 

I can’t believe how these boys have grown, they tower over my 5ft.5in. frame! All will be high school in the fall. The oldest being a sophomore! Where has the time gone? 

Sand castle fun!

Playing in the sand… boys will be boys

Thank goodness for the tent and umbrella. I was able to escape from the rays. I spent a lot of time with baby, Kole. He and I were the only luck ones to escape getting sunburned. Everyone else were lobster red. Even though they reapplied sunscreen 3 different times.

This was taken at Sea Port Village. We had dinner at a restaurant overlooking the beach… it was a beautiful ocean excursion and sunset…

San Diego was a nice needed diversion from the stress and funk I found myself in before we left.

On a side note, I found a group called Search Squad. It’s a Facebook group of investigators and genealogists that help people like me, find their families. They use your dna matches to find your relatives. 

I found the family that my bio father belonged to. In that family, their were 5 boys. We have ruled out two of them, who are my uncles… All of the 5 are long ago, deceased. I may have a half brother living who is 82… I reached out to my 1st cousin on that side, she is 84. Her son helped in aiding the conversation on the phone since she is hard of hearing… It is sad finding out so late in my life. Anyone who could have been potentially close to me, is gone… I do however, probably have enough information now that I can let it go. I have names of my grandparents. I’m sure of any of them, I would have liked to have known her. She died when I was 3 years old. I wouldn’t have remembered her had I grown up in that family! Still, I would like to see some pictures of the family. My 2nd cousin on that side of the family said he would scan and send some pictures to me. It was a nice conversation. I was glad that they were excepting of the intrusion. Everyone is gone that I could ask any questions… 

I really am-  Lost In The Game written by Tyna J Phipps

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Do You Dream Of Me Cover

Happy July! June definitely will look better in the rear view mirror. Hope you are enjoying some fun summer activities. Most of the country has been enduring an oppressive heatwave! Crazy right? Stay cool and make lemonade!

Looking forward to a small getaway with my grown girls and the kids. San Diego here we come! Leaving next Tuesday for just a couple of days. Love hanging at the beach . I haven’t been on vacay with just my grown girls, ever! Amelia will enjoy much appreciated time with all of her cousins as well. 

I took a few minutes (maybe a few hours), to tickle the ivories! Love every darn minute that I get to spend with my keyboard! Here in the SoundCloud links from my session… 

Do You Dream Of Me is written by Michael W. Smith 

Escape is my original composition 

I’m also working on some new cover music! Yay! Maybe more originals as well… plenty of inspiration… 

Happy 4th of July- have a wonderful celebration weekend ❤️.

 tynajoymetzner

 DNA A Father’s Day Zinger And Dismay

I’ve had plenty of challenges in my life. Many things that I’ve had to navigate and get through. Lots of left field zingers and head on harsh realities. This past week has been a new kind of in my face reality to navigate. Most people wouldn’t be able to fully relate to this unless they found themselves here. A lot of times we find lessons of some sort after the fact through what we experience. Sometimes the irony of a challenge leaves you scratching your head and looking up at the sky saying, really???!!!

On Father’s Day, I received the results of my AncestryDNA test that I got as a gift for Mother’s Day. I was excited to take the test and pinpoint my ethnicity. My sister and 19 year old daughter did one and it just seemed fun! Fun to imagine the countries my ancestors came from. 

This is pretty much what I expected to see. It makes sense to me. If you see me, it’s no surprise. My eyes are green, I’m fair skinned… I look every bit of this. 

What I sure didn’t expect to find out on Father’s Day, is that my Father isn’t my biological Father. The man that I love and knew as my Father isn’t my bio Dad. 

It’s taken a week to come to terms with this new knowledge. I’m not there yet! I finally had the conversation with my sister. Until yesterday, we had not spoken about this. We are half sisters. She was kind and felt my pain as we rather share in it. Her side of the DNA matches place her with all the Phipps’ On mine, I see my Mom’s relatives and a whole bunch of people I don’t know or recognize. None of the matches on my bio Dads side are close matches. The closest match, shares only 10% DNA with me and is labeled a 1st cousin… 

I don’t know where I want to take the search from here. I mean half of my ancestry is missing as well as half of my family medical history! Part of me also doesn’t want to inflict pain and sadness on another family who might not appreciate my intrusion… I doubt this man even knew that I was his daughter. He may not have even known a thing… Yet, I feel compelled to know of him and to lay eyes on his picture.

Be careful of DNA matching … although, they mention it as a disclaimer in the sign up. You never know how you might feel about the results. Really Ancestry, on Father’s Day????!!!! Ugh, that was harsh! 

My Mom used to always say, “ Be careful of what you want, you might get it”. I don’t think I was asking for this exactly. Thanks Mom, for the heads up…

Half sibling, Awwwww!

 tynajoymetzner

Curiosity Uncovers The Surprise Of A Lifetime

In my 59 years upon this earth, I’ve had a framework and a sense of myself. Just like most or dare I say all of you, grew up within a family. I have a sister that is 8 years older. My Mom and Dad had me when they were a few years shy of being 40 years old. I followed in their footsteps and had my last natural born child a month shy of turning 40. Comparatively, my parents were always older parents to me. My peers had much younger parents than me. My parents were extremely educated and successful by the time that I was born. My Mom was always embroiled in a project and interests of her own. She wrote musicals and was a huge part of the Roseville Civic Theater near Sacramento. Dad was chasing the golden nugget and busy inventing. Designing the popular polystyrene insulation still used in construction and under roads. An invention that should have made him rich beyond his wildest dreams…

My sister being 8 years older, tolerated me at best. I always knew that she resented me for intruding into her only child world. I always looked up to her though when I was little. We had our moments but mostly, she was busy with friends activities. Joy took piano lessons and practiced a lot. Sometimes if I were lucky, she would invite me to sit next to her on the piano bench. She would play a few notes and then ask me to repeat what she had played. So, I did. It was the only time that I had with her that she seemed happy with me and, I ate that up! I loved sitting with her at the piano and being included for those moments! Anyway, quickly she taught me to play one handed duets with her. Simple duets. She seemed pleased with me when we would do this. 

Mostly though she would practice by herself and I would dance like a ballerina as she played. I remember one day, she practiced the same passage over and over never quite getting it right. Mom was encouraging from the other room. “Almost”, she would yell. My sisters frustration finally got the better of her and she left the bench. I climbed onto the bench, and played the passage perfectly… My Mom began praising my sister excitedly as she entered the room- only to find 5 year old me at the keys. I still remember the look of astonishment on her face. Almost a fearful look of terror. She was completely dumbfounded… I thought at first I had done something wrong! She asked me to play it again, so I did. She shook her head and uttered words of disbelief. Soon after that, I was taking piano lessons. My hand was so small that I couldn’t span a octave… Anyway, I credit my sister for helping me to discover and develop my most cherished gift in life, (other than my kids of course). The memories of those times that we would sit together on the piano bench forever etched in my mind! 

Here we are with Dad…This was taken 11 years ago. I’m on the right…

As I sit here trying to convey and relay my story tears are falling… I got my Ancestry DNA test results yesterday, Father’s Day. I was so excited to get to finally view them. My sister had done hers a few years ago so I kind of knew what mine would be. As expected I found that I am English, Scottish and Irish with other small percentages of Ethnicity… Anyway, my daughter Zoe had done her Ancestry test last year as well. I saw that we are 50% linked together. A normal result. My sister was linked to me as a close relative. This struck me as interestingly vague. I clicked on the percentage link to find that we are only 24% matched. I clicked again on the thread to find the possible relationships with that percentage… Grandparent, Aunt and Half Sibling showed up in the explanation of connection. Then it hit me, a wave of realization that we are half sisters! I researched the explanation and the meaning of this over and over. I had other family search my results to make sure that I was correct in my interpretation of the results… Zoe checked her connection to my sister and it came back half Aunt…Omg 😳… !!!!!!!

After hours of tossing this around in my head I’m stumped. I wanted to talk to my sister about this but she is going through a very difficult time right now with her own family. I’ll have to wait, and find the words to tell her. This shock has me realizing that my whole perception of my family dynamic was a deception. Who the heck am I? Was my father my bio dad? Was my mother my bio Mom? What the heck? Was this a secret my Mom took to her grave? Is that what made her drink heavily when I was growing up? Is this why Mom resented me when I was little? Is this why my sister barely tolerated me as a child? Is this why I’ve always felt like a loner my whole life? If my dad isn’t my bio dad then who is? Did my dad know one of us wasn’t his? These questions have been swirling around in my head… The shock of all shocks… The saddest part, anyone I could ask has passed away! Mom, Dad and Uncle Ed, all of the siblings are gone… I feel more alone than ever. I wonder how my sister will take this revelation? Did she know?! Our parents were married for over 30 years (not happily). Apart for nearly 10 years before their divorce was final.

Family secrets… what other plot twist and turn am I going to encounter when trying to unearth my true identity or my sisters? I’ll keep you posted… 

No wonder I’ve often felt ,”Lost In The Game” my Original song. I wrote this about 4 years ago! Here is the link! 

🔽

Lost In The Game