This year the Easter Bunny decided it is ridiculous to put candy in plastic eggs. We live in Arizona and even at 7 am., the sun can be intense. So, I opted for coins. I always save up a fair amount of change in a money jar. This serves dual purpose as this 2nd grader needs to learn how to count money. So... that, is what she got. I hid 34 eggs with pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters.
I made an Easter Ham dinner with all of the trimmings.
This was a long day. A labor of love from my kitchen and these two hands! Clean up was labor intensive as well. I like to do this especially for holidays but I find I'm growing restless of being and doing only this with my life. My family is rather spoiled and oblivious as to the amount of physical labor and time that goes into making life happen this way for them. I know I have no one to blame. I created this picket fence life they all live here. It's an expectation!
When I see what people are doing on YouTube to make money, some of it floors me! Utterly ridiculous content that they have managed to turn into a gold mine.
SoundCloud is full of rap music. Rap dominates the teen market and beyond. Nonsense, slang and graphic X-rated material sells well. Always has I suppose... I shake my head...
I long for a piece of whatever magic these people have. I lay awake at night trying to figure out where I fit in this world. Where is my money making niche? Where is my money making talent? Why do I just give my life and everything I have to give away for free???
I have a YouTube Channel full of music videos that I have created. Hours of work and personal enjoyment. Yet another way in which I threw myself out there for no gain. I guess it is exactly the hobby that fits me. Always searching for a way to market my authentic self for monetary gain. Only, I come up empty. People are not interested in what I'm selling.
Try as I might, I come up with empty pockets and an empty heart. Disappointment in where I can't seem to get myself. Rejection and loss fill my spirit and I find myself feeling resentful. Sad that I didn't do more with my life for my own success.
I guess some of us are just worker bees and we contribute to the success of the collective hive. Individuals we aren't. We are worker bees that just contribute all we can to the greater good.
If only I could quash my ambition and intense desire for some kind of monetary success. Success isn't gaged and measured in a dollar figure right? I just want to know what it feels like to get paid for my effort! What is like to put forth effort and energy that you get paid for? All the way to the bank...
I saved this beautiful little baby literally from the jaws of my cat yesterday. I hope this baby was able to find Mom again. A darling baby!
Meanwhile, tick tick tick the clock is ticking! The realization of time going by is reflected in every photo of myself that I see. I suppose I will need to re-evaluate what my wealth, gifts and place in this world are.
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