A Blog about life and living through my life experience and perspective. I am a writer, singer/songwriter childhood savant musician...Trying to find my niche and stake my place in society...
Still homemaking even though my focus really needs to be on gainful employment! I have to surrender my urge to be a homebody! It has to be about survival mode here!
Chicken Wonton Soup that I made last night. This was a big undertaking! Years and years of my ex husband hoarding crap! Wood and junk and plastic tubing. Oh my goodness his messes were all over the yard! Everywhere I looked was just bombarded with junk. I let him live the way he wanted. I didn’t disturb his disturbing hoarding type of messes. Holy cow, yuck.
It is becoming a much less cluttered yard! It’s peaceful and will be completely clutter free once I’m able to get rid of the wood in the back and trim up the back, overgrown neighbors tree…
Taking out the trash is cathartic and a renewal. The physical labor was like therapy. My thoughts, my intentions and my pain, all recognized by my spirit. Symbolic of the new life I’m manifesting. Now comes the money part… Wish me luck as I endeavor to prosper enough to feel some sense of footing and financial security soon! My oldest daughter gave me these beautiful flowers for Valentine’s Day!My youngest daughter sent these beautiful roses to me for Valentine’s Day!
Yesterday’s project. I painted this rust spotted galvanized tub. I found six packets of vegetable seeds and I planted them in this! Making something grow would also be cathartic after such a devastating catastrophic life event. People should plant gardens after they experience traumatic events. Watching something grow and being a contributing factor in that process is healing and a positive manifestation.
⬆️ Wish me luck as I desperately try to climb out of this feeling! Overwhelmed doesn’t even touch on the anxiety I am feeling…
Trying to magic up a career after having been a homemaker for 24 years… daunting and stressful x10!
We are surviving but the devastation and uncertainty are looming! Criminal investigation is still pending! No DNA results yet. Waiting is a real test of patience. The devastation has already been done. The DNA findings don’t change anything that happened. They just determine prosecution or no prosecution 😳🙄.
I’m about ready to electronically sign a job offer letter. The most local of jobs as it’s literally just down the street. Oh geez I am at the bottom rung as I knew that I’d have to be having ancient job history. Being in the most humbling of situations, I am grateful for the ability to earn some money. It won’t be enough however. I’ll have to have a side hustle too. I hit the ground running which is what I’ve been doing since early January. I’m weary and tired from the stress of my situation . I’m doing my best to get on my feet. Mostly still in the “fake it till you make it”, stage.
I actually had a mental health day. I took a day off from the stress. I played my keyboard which always makes me happy and full of joy. Music is definitely therapeutic.
Here is my latest cover of
You Know Like I Know- written by the Ozark Mountain Daredevils.
A nice distraction from my new life and plight to make ends meet with a 14 year old, 2 cats and a dog. No spousal support or any help from the ex. This is a crazy situation and trust me, you wouldn’t wish this on your worst enemy. It’s plain awful.
While making my morning cup of coffee out my kitchen window @ 5:00 am this morning. Beautiful clouds and moon❤️.
Every day I wonder if I’m going to get a call from the detective with my exes buccal swab DNA test results… Every day I wait to hear if my ex is going to be prosecuted.
I’ll take a day of escape like this any chance I can get it!
What Is To Come Can I Just Be Done With This Scenario?
A month into my fake it till you make it new life. I find that as time goes by I’m getting more depressed not less. Every thing I’m trying to accomplish with getting myself free of entanglement with my ex is difficult! Setting up all of my own and separate utilities and insurance… all of it has been taxing and challenging. Requiring many hours spent on the phone to get untangled!
Now I’m to the humbling experience of trying to find employment. I’ve been a career homemaker for a lot of years. If you’ve been following my blog you know that it’s been a job that I have poured a lot of myself in to. I made nice meals, baked, decorated for every season and tried to create the most beautiful life for my family. An environment that was peaceful and solid. So much effort for not much in return, trust me!
This song is true to my current life status. Oh my goodness what a relatable song that hits home ❤️.
Hide In Your Shell – My Supertramp Roger Hodgson cover-
Well, everything blew up and now I’m a single Mom again! I won’t go into details but I will say it’s been the toughest week of my life! With every kind of dismay possible!
I’m free of decades of immense unhappiness! I’m seeking peace and eventually joy. I just need to make money and I’ll feel a lot better!
My project is finally done! I got rid of all of the wood! I thought I’d never get this backyard clean up project done. The firewood and mesquite branches were endless. I was able to find a man on “OfferUp”, who wanted all the wood. He brought a chain saw set up. I helped him cut it all and pack it up in his truck to cart off. Now when I look out over the backyard I feel a sense of peacefulness! Stillness and quiet comes to mind.
I finished my yard project just in time to start my new job. It was a ton of work but terrific for my mind, body and spirit. The perfect therapy for sure!
This is just the bark that fell off of all that wood…I’ll dispose of the rest of the debris little bit by little bit in my trash can weekly.It’s official! Name tag and apron, let’s go! I actually have another full day of training on the computer. I’ll be starting training in the deli department soon…I began my new job yesterday. I’m in training to become a deli worker at a local Frys grocery. This is the first job I’ve had in decades. I, was a homemaker for decades! I’m a Union worker… an essential worker now.My first day of work.
I’m starting to navigate outwardly. I’m coming out of my shell… I was hiding and grieving and angry, so angry! I finally posted a statement on my Facebook page. Everything thing I ever post there is so positive and pretty lol. So contrary to how awful life can get. I decided to get real although, I didn’t go into what’s really going on! All you gather from this post is a disconnect… This is the first I’ve mentioned anything on my Facebook page! I felt it was time to announce the split.
*Sometimes, life and the people closest to you throw you a major curveball. Leaving complete destruction and life as you knew it to be, has imploded. With far reaching, unthinkable devastation. Every person who trusted and believed in the family they thought they had, has been emotionally and financially obliterated!
My whole family, is currently under reconstruction, reorganization and a major reboot! Our lives, forever changed…
Tomorrow, I start my new job after being a homemaker for decades. I’m working on embracing change but oh my, it’s a lot. I’m hoping to rise up and become an inspiration. Grow my testimony and my skill set… Or maybe, just to make it will be enough for now?!
*Oh by the way, I am cleaning houses as a side hustle. PM if you know of or need housecleaning or homemaking services. I appreciate all of you and our friendship! Just thought it was time to get real here. My new motto is, “Fake it till you make it”. Deep down inside, I’m shaking in my shoes…
Bougainvillea’s are a pain to trim. Big long thorns that hurt. Glad to have trimmed them back though, they are brambly!
I’m getting my self set up to navigate life. I have some terrific close friends and family. I am grateful for the encouragement and support!
I’ve found my side hustle brings me peace and joy. Cleaning houses is something I actually enjoy doing for people! I just need to build up a clientele, a few steady paying house gigs for that extra security. Yes it takes 2 or 3 jobs to make this world go around with a 14 year old to raise.
Embracing The Culinary Delights Of My Ancestry Story
This is my first year of truly celebrating since I found out my true biological dna revelation. My newly discovered Native American heritage inspired me to make a Cherokee meal. I found this recipe on the web and it is delicious! So delicious it may be a new yearly treasure.
This may very well be a new tradition as it was unique and truly full of flavor. Oklahoma Frybread Tacos! They, are soooo good! My biological father’s family came from Muskogee Oklahoma. I imagine this meal is similar to one my father Bobby may have eaten growing up? I bet my Gram Faye, made a recipe much like this. I heard from a cousin that her frybread was amazing. I also was told she was a wonderful cook! I so wish I hadn’t missed out on knowing these wonderful people!
I would have cherished the recipes and learning about the rich Native American history that is throughout both sides of my biological dad’s parents.
This is just a start of my Native American exploration journey. Creating and sharing food recipes is a great way to learn about a culture. I feel maybe just a little bit more connected to my authentic self . I’m glad that I made an attempt to join in and immerse myself into the culinary aspect of this rich culture. What would it have been like to grow up with the knowledge and sense of belonging to this culture? How would that have changed me and my perspective? What would I have gained being raised at least partly with the lessons and traditions of Native American history?
I’m working through the heartbreaking realization that I’ll never have the chance to know my biological father. He passed away long before I found out that he was my father. I’m still struggling with realization and losses.
I’ll have to make do with whatever I can learn myself about the people, traditions and the culture. I have approached trying to become part of the Cherokee tribe. I will need to find a knowledgeable person to guide me through this difficult process. My situation is complicated but not impossible. I really would feel blessed, grateful and accepted if I were able to join and be recognized as a tribal member.
My friend gave me a pair of sweet Native American earrings last year. This is my first time wearing them today. This is the recipe I chose to make in honor of this celebration. I cut up a lot of trimmings for these tacos…I made the authentic chili that goes on top of the frybread. It’s so delicious…Making the Frybread was rather easy ! Not as involved as anticipated. I doubled the recipe. I flattened them out even more before frying them.
Not bad for my first time! They were pretty easy to make.
My completed taco. A better pic. maybe? Charlotte sat on Luna’s kennel watching me in the kitchen this afternoon. She’s sweet and so much company ❤️.
I hope to be able to write more positive and and loving things along my journey to learn more about my Native American Cherokee heritage.
Pumpkin pie just sounded good so I made one!
I hope you had a wonderful day! Thanks for taking the time to read my blog post!
As we have had so many media distractions over current events and the state of the world. One thing remains a constant. Timeless and ageless, one of my favorite vintage musical treasures… My Cover ~Praying For Time- (written by George Michael).
