A Blog about life and living through my life experience and perspective. I am a writer, singer/songwriter childhood savant musician...Trying to find my niche and stake my place in society...
Still homemaking even though my focus really needs to be on gainful employment! I have to surrender my urge to be a homebody! It has to be about survival mode here!
Chicken Wonton Soup that I made last night. This was a big undertaking! Years and years of my ex husband hoarding crap! Wood and junk and plastic tubing. Oh my goodness his messes were all over the yard! Everywhere I looked was just bombarded with junk. I let him live the way he wanted. I didn’t disturb his disturbing hoarding type of messes. Holy cow, yuck.
It is becoming a much less cluttered yard! It’s peaceful and will be completely clutter free once I’m able to get rid of the wood in the back and trim up the back, overgrown neighbors tree…
Taking out the trash is cathartic and a renewal. The physical labor was like therapy. My thoughts, my intentions and my pain, all recognized by my spirit. Symbolic of the new life I’m manifesting. Now comes the money part… Wish me luck as I endeavor to prosper enough to feel some sense of footing and financial security soon! My oldest daughter gave me these beautiful flowers for Valentine’s Day!My youngest daughter sent these beautiful roses to me for Valentine’s Day!
Yesterday’s project. I painted this rust spotted galvanized tub. I found six packets of vegetable seeds and I planted them in this! Making something grow would also be cathartic after such a devastating catastrophic life event. People should plant gardens after they experience traumatic events. Watching something grow and being a contributing factor in that process is healing and a positive manifestation.
⬆️ Wish me luck as I desperately try to climb out of this feeling! Overwhelmed doesn’t even touch on the anxiety I am feeling…
Trying to magic up a career after having been a homemaker for 24 years… daunting and stressful x10!
We are surviving but the devastation and uncertainty are looming! Criminal investigation is still pending! No DNA results yet. Waiting is a real test of patience. The devastation has already been done. The DNA findings don’t change anything that happened. They just determine prosecution or no prosecution 😳🙄.
I’m about ready to electronically sign a job offer letter. The most local of jobs as it’s literally just down the street. Oh geez I am at the bottom rung as I knew that I’d have to be having ancient job history. Being in the most humbling of situations, I am grateful for the ability to earn some money. It won’t be enough however. I’ll have to have a side hustle too. I hit the ground running which is what I’ve been doing since early January. I’m weary and tired from the stress of my situation . I’m doing my best to get on my feet. Mostly still in the “fake it till you make it”, stage.
I actually had a mental health day. I took a day off from the stress. I played my keyboard which always makes me happy and full of joy. Music is definitely therapeutic.
Here is my latest cover of
You Know Like I Know- written by the Ozark Mountain Daredevils.
A nice distraction from my new life and plight to make ends meet with a 14 year old, 2 cats and a dog. No spousal support or any help from the ex. This is a crazy situation and trust me, you wouldn’t wish this on your worst enemy. It’s plain awful.
While making my morning cup of coffee out my kitchen window @ 5:00 am this morning. Beautiful clouds and moon❤️.
Every day I wonder if I’m going to get a call from the detective with my exes buccal swab DNA test results… Every day I wait to hear if my ex is going to be prosecuted.
I’ll take a day of escape like this any chance I can get it!
What Is To Come Can I Just Be Done With This Scenario?
A month into my fake it till you make it new life. I find that as time goes by I’m getting more depressed not less. Every thing I’m trying to accomplish with getting myself free of entanglement with my ex is difficult! Setting up all of my own and separate utilities and insurance… all of it has been taxing and challenging. Requiring many hours spent on the phone to get untangled!
Now I’m to the humbling experience of trying to find employment. I’ve been a career homemaker for a lot of years. If you’ve been following my blog you know that it’s been a job that I have poured a lot of myself in to. I made nice meals, baked, decorated for every season and tried to create the most beautiful life for my family. An environment that was peaceful and solid. So much effort for not much in return, trust me!
This song is true to my current life status. Oh my goodness what a relatable song that hits home ❤️.
Hide In Your Shell – My Supertramp Roger Hodgson cover-
Well, everything blew up and now I’m a single Mom again! I won’t go into details but I will say it’s been the toughest week of my life! With every kind of dismay possible!
I’m free of decades of immense unhappiness! I’m seeking peace and eventually joy. I just need to make money and I’ll feel a lot better!
My project is finally done! I got rid of all of the wood! I thought I’d never get this backyard clean up project done. The firewood and mesquite branches were endless. I was able to find a man on “OfferUp”, who wanted all the wood. He brought a chain saw set up. I helped him cut it all and pack it up in his truck to cart off. Now when I look out over the backyard I feel a sense of peacefulness! Stillness and quiet comes to mind.
I finished my yard project just in time to start my new job. It was a ton of work but terrific for my mind, body and spirit. The perfect therapy for sure!
This is just the bark that fell off of all that wood…I’ll dispose of the rest of the debris little bit by little bit in my trash can weekly.It’s official! Name tag and apron, let’s go! I actually have another full day of training on the computer. I’ll be starting training in the deli department soon…I began my new job yesterday. I’m in training to become a deli worker at a local Frys grocery. This is the first job I’ve had in decades. I, was a homemaker for decades! I’m a Union worker… an essential worker now.My first day of work.
I’m starting to navigate outwardly. I’m coming out of my shell… I was hiding and grieving and angry, so angry! I finally posted a statement on my Facebook page. Everything thing I ever post there is so positive and pretty lol. So contrary to how awful life can get. I decided to get real although, I didn’t go into what’s really going on! All you gather from this post is a disconnect… This is the first I’ve mentioned anything on my Facebook page! I felt it was time to announce the split.
*Sometimes, life and the people closest to you throw you a major curveball. Leaving complete destruction and life as you knew it to be, has imploded. With far reaching, unthinkable devastation. Every person who trusted and believed in the family they thought they had, has been emotionally and financially obliterated!
My whole family, is currently under reconstruction, reorganization and a major reboot! Our lives, forever changed…
Tomorrow, I start my new job after being a homemaker for decades. I’m working on embracing change but oh my, it’s a lot. I’m hoping to rise up and become an inspiration. Grow my testimony and my skill set… Or maybe, just to make it will be enough for now?!
*Oh by the way, I am cleaning houses as a side hustle. PM if you know of or need housecleaning or homemaking services. I appreciate all of you and our friendship! Just thought it was time to get real here. My new motto is, “Fake it till you make it”. Deep down inside, I’m shaking in my shoes…
Bougainvillea’s are a pain to trim. Big long thorns that hurt. Glad to have trimmed them back though, they are brambly!
I’m getting my self set up to navigate life. I have some terrific close friends and family. I am grateful for the encouragement and support!
I’ve found my side hustle brings me peace and joy. Cleaning houses is something I actually enjoy doing for people! I just need to build up a clientele, a few steady paying house gigs for that extra security. Yes it takes 2 or 3 jobs to make this world go around with a 14 year old to raise.
