A Blog about life and living through my life experience and perspective. I am a writer, singer/songwriter childhood savant musician...Trying to find my niche and stake my place in society...
A New Year of Resolutions To My Problematic Plagues Of 2021
Thank you #ScottsdaleEarNoseAndThroat ! The gal I saw Danica, was wonderful to work with. She made testing a very good and positive experience!
Happy New Years Eve! I have one last health update : I completed the 2 hours of balance testing. I found that I have 2 different vestibular inner ear issues. Caused by a virus. The gal told me that many Covid + patients she has seen have the same long term symptoms and #vestibular issues I have. So fully vaccinated, I probably had Covid. I am experiencing long Covid issues. The treatment, is a highly specific/specialized physical therapy. So I’ll have to be referred by neurologist for specialist pt. Also she encouraged me to start taking Vitamin D pronto. It helps to heal inner ear disturbances. My right ear has significant weakness I was told… I also have a lot of tinnitus in that ear. I hope PT will help!
I woke up with this issue in late September. Had extreme #vertigo, tingling and numbness in my sinus cavity and up the back of my head. I thought I was having a stroke. It was Covid! Many people with vertigo symptoms have Covid these days. It is one of the first symptoms of Covid in some patients. Yet all the Drs I saw, told me I didn’t need to test. My symptoms weren’t typical for Covid. The diagnosis makes total sense as I had many strange symptoms I didn’t understand. It was frustrating to be tossed around from Dr. to Dr with no real answers. I’m grateful for answers and peace of mind and hope to feel normal again with the proper treatment.
Anyway, I see my neurologist on the 7th for follow up and review of the testing I just completed. No magic pill lol, darn! Maybe the vitamin D?
Have a wonderful New Years Eve. My love to all of you!
What a heck of a time! I’m all over the place in trying to keep my life going in holiday tradition and juggling health appointments. I woke up one night in late Sept. with extreme vertigo and other strange symptoms that are like head cold symptoms on steroids… Although the extreme vertigo has calmed to dizziness every day, all day… Have seen two different primary docs, two different ENT docs and now I have a neurologist. Covid has made getting health care difficult! Wait times to get into a doc and to schedule testing has been very difficult! It’s been hard to be patient when my head has been spinning for almost 4 months now. Extremely scary and so uncomfortable but non life threatening… Preliminaries indicate a vestibular issue with probable inner ear dysfunction.
Today I’m having a series of balance tests that are to determine where in my vestibular system the problem lies. I’m not looking forward to testing as it will make my dizziness much worse for the diagnostic tests. The VNG test being most informative according to the neurologist. Part of me is wondering how this series of tests are beneficial? I’m just exhausted with not having my head back yet. It feels awful, the sensations and the constant dizziness. I’ve had hearing issues and my sinus cavity at times has a pins and needles sensation up the back of my head as well… I feel run down and just dim like flu sometimes… it’s just a bunch of annoyingly weird sensations! Sometimes my ears feel so plugged up, I get high blood pressure. Something I don’t typically have!
In August I noticed a bump on my back that was itchy and it burned. It was in a spot that I couldn’t see well even in the mirror. Like in the small of my back. Long story short while I was at the primary in September I showed it to my Dr. At a separate appointment in October he biopsied and burnt it off my back. Pathology report came back positive for squamous cell skin cancer. Totally shocked me. Again a random thing that popped up overnight! I just had a follow up surgery at a skin cancer center on Monday. Again, getting into a Dr and getting to resolution of this has taken months! I am grateful to have had the Mohs procedure and to be deemed all clear of skin cancer! I have about 18 stitches inside and out of the incision. Not quite the small procedure I thought it would be but I’m just glad to be done and deemed cancer free!
I was extremely healthy and very active before this came on suddenly… I’m still active in-spite of this constant issue I still take long walks and do a lot of yard and housework. Just don’t feel good doing it! Part of me wonders if I had a case of breakthrough long Covid? Or maybe my Pfizer vaccine had some nasty effects??? Or maybe I’m just terribly allergic to my newish border collie???? Awww that would really be sad!
They take photos and measurements after surgery. This is my surgeons hand… Thankfully they got it all with the first resection of tissue…
Anyway, I’m so glad to be getting these things done before the New Year! I don’t want to take these weird health issues into 2022. I’m frustrated that I wasn’t able to get my head issue resloved yet! The major expensive things I’m hoping I tackled in this calendar year! Today is the balance testing and hopefully I can get an easy treatment plan that will actually resolve this issue out of it.
Those of you who read and follow my blog are probably aware of what a trying year I have had. Emotional and physical trials like no other year I’ve ever had! The most heartache and physical challenges. So this I have to say about 2021…
2021, literally and figuratively get off my back!!! I’m looking forward to a brand new year full of promise and a fresh start.
In spite of everything I had a wonderful Christmas! All 8 of my G-kids were here and it was an awesome day! I cooked and cleaned and the spirit of Christmas was wonderful ❤️
First pic of me with all 8 G-Kids. The boys tower over me now! Incredible!
Wishing you and yours a healthy and terrific New Years Celebration! Take time to set some goals and spend some time on reflection… Never give up on your dreams!
Speaking of dreams… Roger Hodgson, I’m still hoping to meet you one day- Face to face ❤️…!
It’s the holiday season and I wanted to wish you all happy holidays! May you enjoy the love and magic of the season. Take time out to find joy and appreciate the beauty. We are still in pandemic times and I know the times add stress to our daily lives. Enjoy what and whom you can!
I spent a fair amount of time decorating this year.
Now on to baking spirits bright. I love to bake for friends and neighbors. I’m a little sad that my baking partner has her own apt this year and I’m baking solo. They grow up and fly away but oh my we have to let them!
I’m really looking forward to 2022 as this past year has been extremely hard for me. I’m still trying to come to grips with new found family secrets that blew my mind… Read my prior posts if you are interested in the back story.
I’ll leave you with a couple of my faves from years past that I created.
This has been the hardest personal time in my life. I’d be lying if I tried to sugar coat it. A harder mind, body and spirit challenge I’ve never encountered.
My world literally tilted on its axis. I woke up in the middle of the night and extreme vertigo hit me. I got up out of bed and realized I could barely navigate the room. I got very anxious when I couldn’t clear my head. I felt so horrible that I decided I’d better get checked out. I was concerned maybe I was having a stroke. I have been very healthy. I try to take care of myself and I’m an avid walker. I do a ton of yard work and I’m not a person who drinks or takes medication. My lab work suggests I’m in good health, they came back fine.
My world has been turned upside down since waking up with this affliction 8 weeks ago now. My hearing has been effected and I have a constant buzzing in my ears. My ears feel fluid filled and horrible. The vibration from walking and talking, even chewing is obnoxious. I’m constantly dizzy and if I lay down or move my head too quickly my head spins. I haven’t had a moment of total peace for 8 weeks. I feel as if I’ve been stuck in my head and unable to enjoy anything or anyone for a very long time. I couldn’t drive. I couldn’t even open my eyes the first few days to navigate my phone. It’s been like a prison being stuck like this.
I’ve had two primary PA’s. A uncaring and expensive Ear Nose and Throat Dr. who just wanted me to take expensive tests. I even had a complete eye exam. I’ve done labs, an MRI, a cat scan and hearing tests… I took two different antibiotics and am currently taking a third. I’ve lost my patience with my dizzy, buzzy head. My symptoms are so strange. Headache in my eyes, numbness in my forehead and sinus cavities. Strange! Anyway, the sensations keep me from being comfortable and from being able to sleep well. I long for an end to this strange affliction. I can’t wait to feel normal and good again. Even with my health issue I have kept up with everything…. House, yard, groceries and cooking. I’ve even been walking in spite of my dizzy head… I’ve been driving surface streets, but not on the freeway. I’m not sure the dizziness won’t be overwhelming at higher speeds. Somehow my eyes are partly involved with this illness. Not a typical sinus infection!
It would be so wonderful if this latest antibiotic would just wipe out this mystery illness. I’d do a dance of joy in the street!
Living this extremely helpless and limited life is really tough. I am independent and not good at having to be dependent on people for rides. I’ve really been humbled yet again by this nightmare health dilemma. It also shows me how absolutely ridiculous my marriage is. That’s been the most humbling of all. Being sick and vulnerable in a bad marriage is the most frightening eye opener! When you are married to someone who really doesn’t have any compassion or love for you, it’s really the hardest thing. To have to be vulnerable, where you don’t feel that you can, is the worst. To be blamed for being sick and made to feel as if you are a burden. I hate it! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought, “I don’t feel like I can get well being here”. Is this how I want to grow old?! This is the first time in my 20+ marriage that I’ve ever been sick longer than a few days… This has really been a revelation type of experience.
I’m doing my best to try to stay positive. Getting seen by a Drs has been made much more difficult by Covid. I have to schedule appointments way in advance which in my predicament seems hard to fathom. I just can’t bare the idea that I’m going to get stuck like this till??? How am I ever going to figure this out? What the hell happened to me? I want my life back!
The Heartache Of DNA Test Results Something To Consider
If you have read my blog lately then you know about the heart aching experience I’ve been trying to navigate through. I recently did an AncestryDNA test and I received the shock of a lifetime! I decided to share my experience in a Vlog post on YouTube. Here is the link!
I wish I would have thought more about what my test result could be to my life. I have only heard about all the wonderful stories and outcomes… I really thought I’d only find out more about my heritage and lineage…My descendants, and the countries they were from… I had no idea the can of worms that I’d open and the subsequent shocking revelations to come. I had no reason at all to think that I would find my life to have been born of deceit and deception!
I took a whole 2 days in a row to practice and put together 6 new YouTube videos for my channel. It’s fun to be a creator although I haven’t hit their strict metrics for any opportunityto monetize my channel. I haven’t appreciated the fact that although I get many views per month, I haven’t been found eligible to prosper on YouTube. Anyway, it was a terrific feeling to be back to playing and being authentic me!
Here are the new video links to be found on my YouTube channel…
It really was a wonderful spirit filled day yesterday!
Yesterday was spirit day at school for this one…For recognition of the 20th anniversary of the 9/11 tragedies. It’s hard to believe that it has been this long. What a horrible day for all who were alive during this time! Awwww my condolences for all of those who were lost and, for the people that miss them. A moment in history that we will never forget!
Greetings from Phoenix AZ. It’s still pretty warm but we are getting through a more mild summer here. We had a really productive monsoon season and that has helped to keep the valley cooler than in many years I recall here.
I have done a lot of walking and chasing my tail this week. With headphones on, listening to my favorite playlist, I managed to drop my house keys out of my pocket. Because I walking and listening to music, I only discovered this after I returned from my 4mi. walk! As you can see below, I retraced my steps like 3 different times. I realized that someone had picked them up early into my search… I was annoyed that someone would do that. I learned a valuable lesson. If you find keys or important things like that…Leave them! The owner will attempt to retrace their steps and if you pick them up they won’t be able to find them!
I put 12 mi. on my feet trying to find them! I was just so focused on finding them. I got a verbal bashing several times for being such an idiot and losing the keys… All day, I heard about how stupid I am.
Long story short, I posted about losing the keys on our community Facebook page. Sure enough, an older lady in the neighborhood had picked them up while walking her pooch. I am so grateful to have found them! That will teach me to stuff my pockets with water, keys and tissues… oh well, I got some good exercise.
The storms made a real mess out of the backyard so I spent a morning and afternoon in yard clean up.
The winter grass died and we didn’t reseed this year with Bermuda… we can reseed at the end of this month when the night time temps begin to get cooler. Looking forward to cooler temps and patio dwelling! This little gal loves eating Korean food. She has grown to love spicy food. Here is one of my favorites, a Korean pancake. We grabbed a bite Friday night.
I’m going to bake something for Labor Day. I’ll have to dig around and see what I can come up with. I hope you have a spectacular holiday!
Meanwhile, I’m going to focus on the “Win”. Those things that your spirit acknowledges you can do. Accomplishment feels good when you can get it. “All you’ve got to do is, win… Here are the lyrics for “Win”.
Me, I hope that I’m crazy I feel you driving and you’re only the wheel Slow down, let someone love you Oh, I’ve never touched you since I started to feel If there’s nothing to hide me Then you’ve never seen me hanging naked and wired Somebody lied, I say it’s hip To be alive Now your smile is spreading thin Seems you’re trying not to lose Since I’m not supposed to win All you’ve got to do is win That’s all you gotta do (ooh, it ain’t over) Me, I’m fresh on your pages Secret thinker sometimes listening aloud Life lies dumb on its heroes Wear your wound with honor, make someone proud Someone like you should not be allowed To start any fires Now your smile is spreading thin Seems you’re trying not to lose Since I’m not supposed to win All you’ve got to do is win That’s all you gotta do (ooh, it ain’t over) Now your smile is spreading thin Seems you’re trying not to lose Since I’m not supposed to win All you’ve got to do is win That’s all you gotta do (all you got to do is win) Now your smile is spreading thin (seek and believe in you) Seems you’re trying not to lose (it ain’t over, no no) Since I’m not supposed to grin (that’s all you got to do) All you’ve got to do is win (it ain’t over, no, oh) (Seek and believe in you) All you’ve got to do is win (it ain’t over, no, no) Woo hooh, all you’ve got Is all you’ve got (It ain’t over) It ain’t over
This has a new vibe for me. I think I’ll dedicate this to my father Bobby… his family was from Muskogee, Oklahoma. He however, was born in Bakersfield, CA.
The lyrics fit well… Although I didn’t write the lyrics, I have always been drawn to them! Now, it makes sense to me.
I hope that wherever he is in the afterlife, he knows that I now know of him! I also hope to be able to meet him when my time on earth is done here. I’m thinking maybe he didn’t even know of me?
Meanwhile I have plenty of bucket list dreams to conquer and achieve…
To take a look and walk away Isn’t a stand, man To speak the words that everyone’s heard Isn’t the way, man- Everybody knows, All things must come and go but You know like I know that Everything’s gonna be alright People just come and go They don’t know what’s right Till they’re gone. Your sun will rise and set today Just don’t you worry And everything will come your way Just don’t you hurry- Take a little time And find you some peace of mind then You’ll know like I know that Everything’s gonna be alright People just come and go They don’t know what’s right Till they’re gone
Filling my days and nights with domesticity. Not that it is appreciated. You know the saying, no good deed goes unpunished? People pleasing doesn’t serve me well here! Neither do old notions, and family dynamics. Living with an angry person for many years, takes a toll. I could never have imagined how difficult marriage could be… I’ve reached a point within myself that I realize that I’m not able to succeed in this job. It’s a losing proposition. You can’t change people. They are who they want to be. When they impose their anger on you for the most ridiculous things, it’s time to do something else! I didn’t sign up for being a punching bag. Verbal or physical, it doesn’t matter, I’m out! I’ve been out for a long time. I removed myself in spirit, long ago! I’ve held up my obligations to the family and it’s been an all consuming job. I’ve done the best that I can. I get up every day and I say, “I’m going to do the best that I can with this day!” I can hear Dr. Phil say, “How’s that working for ya?”
I got that off of my chest. I wrote this song some years ago, and I’m still sitting in the same vantage point.
My daughter moved into her first apartment. She and 3 of her besties. She is starting her sophomore year at ASU. I’m hoping for the best for her as it is a lot of responsibility for all of these kids! She has resumed her job working at a campus Starbucks. She will be busy this year!
My furniture has blankets on it because my border collie jumps on it lol. Her nails could rip the heck out of it. I love fall colors! I decorate for all of the seasons but I think fall, is my favorite.My cat boy loves to watch me craft. He is great company ❤️! For my dining room table.Pumpkin Pie is one of my favorite pies to make. I am a pumpkin spice lover. The colors and flavors of fall make me smile!
What would the notion of fall be without Pumpkin Pie? So, I made one. We have had a real monsoon season here in Phoenix this summer! A lot of storms and rain. I’m glad for all of this weather. I have enjoyed the thunder storms!
